Ten things I learnt last year

2013 was a year of change.

Every year comes with lessons to be learnt and when living in a foreign country those lessons crop up often...so here are a few things I learnt last year.

Number 1. Positive thinking actually works. One of my older and wiser students taught me this back in 2012 but it wasn't until mid-2013 that I really started to believe in how much it could change your life. By getting rid of my negativity I successfully got promoted, ended a toxic relationship that had already lasted too long, spent 5 months discovering who I really was, joined the gym, started writing my novel again and last but not least, met a wonderful guy. Life is too short to be negative Nancy, so snap out of it and you'll see what a difference a day of positive thinking makes.

Number 2. In France, if you want something done, be French about it, especially when it comes to administrative things. I have tried to take the British approach, to always be polite even in the most difficult situations but I finally realised you just have to be French if you want to accomplish anything. If someone yells at you on the phone, yell back. If someone says no, don't take no for an answer. If someone says it's not possible, don't believe them. If you need to do something and it involves paperwork, just keep pushing the person's buttons until it's done.

Number 3. Travel more, it's good for the soul. Last year I explored the South of France, Florida, Liverpool and London and definitely caught the travel bug. It helps you think, it helps me write and it made me determined to travel more. I have to if I ever want to finish my book...#inspiredbytravelling

Number 4. Laugh as much as your possibly can. Life can be really hard sometimes so laugh until your stomach hurts or your cheeks ache as often as you can. Surround yourself with those who make you happy, people that give you the giggles and people who make you snort with laughter at the most ridiculous things. Laughter really is the best medicine.

Number 5. Speaking another language  well is probably one of the best things in the world. When you achieve fluency in a language that's not your mother tongue it's such a great feeling. You feel like you've been accepted into the it crowd, you finally understand the inside jokes and can respond in the correct way and everyone thinks your accent is so charming - charmant. It completely changes your relationship with Parisians, who are renowned for their cold shoulder. When you speak French Parisians are warmer, friendlier, more interested in you and more willing to help (okay okay so they're still not as warm as us Brits or Yanks but for them it's a big step forward). Anyway, speaking the language still opens doors you didn't even know existed, doors that would otherwise remain closed forever. Learning someone else's language is the key to acceptance.

Number 6. Miley Cyrus is not cool. I'm not normally one to focus on celebrity things but Miley's downfall must have been one of the most talked about celeb stories of 2013. The girl has officially lost the plot. I understand that celebrities are under a huge amount of pressure but Miley takes the biscuit. What would ever possess someone to behave like she did at the VMAs? Sadly it seems to be a pathetic cry for attention, devaluing her status as a woman and establishing her not as a sex symbol (as she believes) but as a complete lunatic. It's such a shame because she was a beautiful girl with a beautiful voice, now she's a washed up celebrity that people can only criticise. The sad thing is that she doesn't realise that there is nothing sexier than a woman who is dignified (and not half naked). Her boyfriend left her because she lost total respect for herself and by doing so became unattractive, inside and out, so can you really blame him? Anyone would have run a mile.

Number 7. Appreciate your family at all times. I knew this already of course but I was all the more reminded of it last year. When your father has a heart attack (a small one but a heart attack even so) and your grandfather winds up in hospital twice for two different, serious things, you start to realise the men in your life (and the two most important men in mine) are not as invincible as you always thought. Care for them, listen to them, support them, make them a cuppa if they want one. Do everything they did for you and more, it's your turn to repay the favour.

Number 8. Find out what makes you happy and do it. People say I'm lucky because I love my job but honestly if I didn't I'd quit (yes even during the crisis!). Don't do a job that makes you miserable (even if the pay is good). Be fussy, don't settle for a job just because you need one, the right job is out there you just have to have the courage to go for it.

Number 9. Every girl needs a gay best friend. This seems like a weird thing to learn when you're 24 but when you come from Devon and never had a gay friend before in your life (even when at university), it's something that takes you a while to realise. Before I worked at Wall Street I'd never had a homosexual colleague or friend, so funnily enough it was quite taboo for me. Now it's normal, I adore all of my gay friends and don't find it strange that the majority of the men in our team are gay. In fact it makes my job all the more interesting as we spend a lot of time discussing the men in our lives and I give my opinion on their possible tinder hook ups.

Will & Grace

Number 10. Lastly I have to retract my previous blog (a bit). The most important thing I learnt is that not all French people don't know how to date. Now I don't admit this very often but, this time, I was wrong. Shortly after writing my last blog entry I met my now boyfriend and did everything in the blog that I said I wouldn't do because it was too French. Finally the French might have got it right. I never thought I'd say that but there you go. Yes they do things quickly, which in my blog I criticised, but when it feels right they don't hesitate, they just go with it. British and American couples have the tendency to stay together for a long time but without becoming official, causing them to question everything. The French

we-had-two-dates-so-now-we're-a-couple 

attitude is definitely better. You immediately know where you stand and can easily start to enjoy the relationship. Just because you're British doesn't mean you have to date like a Brit and just because you're French doesn't mean you have to date like a Frog. Try mixing the two dating cultures and maybe, like me, you'll be happier than ever.

See you soon bloggers! 

Why the French don't understand dating

Why are the French so hopeless when it comes to dating?

Perhaps it's due to the romantic stereotypes that surround Paris? Perhaps it's due the latin blood running through the veins of most Parisian men? Perhaps it's due to the city itself tearing couples apart with copious amounts of stress? Perhaps it's just down to pure arrogance? Whatever the reason I'm keen to find out.

I have to be honest and admit that it's not only my personal experiences that have led me to this conclusion, but the experiences of friends and colleagues. However, I will start with my own experience first. I first got involved with a French guy a few short months after I touched down in the city of lights. At the time I felt like it was quite an ordinary courtship. I frequented his bar over a period of 6-8 weeks until an invitation was placed on the table, or should I say, bar? However, looking back now I realise how bizarre it really was. After our first date we were inseparable, spending as much time as possible together, falling into what I like to call...the togetherness trap.

Lesson 1: don't spend too much time together

So what causes the togetherness trap? Girls desperately wanting a relationship? Guys wanting a serious commitment?  Or is it the French touch?

You're probably wondering what I'm talking about, but if you've ever dated a French person you should understand. Intensity seems to be their middle name. Nothing is done slowly or casually, but at high speed as if they believe the world will end tomorrow. I recently experienced something like this, where after two dates the person in question got very attached, very quickly. After our second date I received an 'I love you' text which, as you can all imagine, was a little bewildering. It's such a shame that some French people have the tendency to do this because what they don't seem to realise is that it sends us English girls running...
I actually tried to fix the situation, hoping that it was just a misunderstanding, a bad French-English translation. I tried to explain that English and French dating wasn't the same, that we took our time and didn't rush into things. In my mind honesty is (generally) the best policy. Unfortunately it went down like a lead balloon and that was that, another short-lived romance over before it even began.

Lesson 2: don't be too intense

On the other end of the spectrum I can sometimes see why people fall into the togetherness trap. French men are incredibly charming, that is something that I can't deny. They understand the power of flirtation, using eye contact so often you feel like they're reading into your soul on a regular basis. They also still use the 'wink' which in England is almost outdated as a flirtation technique, used generally by men trying to woo you in the street (not exactly a classy affair). In Paris however it's used carefully, not too much, not too little. When a French man winks at you correctly it normally causes a legs-turn-to-jelly effect, causing you to blush and relish in the attention you're receiving. That is, of course, if he's attractive. 

Make sure you select your French man carefully girls

When I discussed recent dating situations with English and Irish friends and colleagues in Paris I got similar responses - 

"You're lucky you didn't sleep with him or you'd be married by now"

"It's in their nature to be intense, I met my husbands parents after less than a month"

"It's nothing like dating an English guy, we can be casual for 6 months before even admitting that we're officially a couple, with the French it's normally under 6 weeks"

"You have to learn to go with it, c'est la vie"

Even my French colleagues nonchalantly admitted that dating for them is a very serious affair and not something that can be carried out casually. The thing that I found so interesting is the extreme difference between the British and French attitude to dating. If I'd explained the same situation to my friends in the UK they would have said - 

"Get shot of him as fast as you can"

"Haha you always attract crazy people"

"Oh dear that sounds intense"

They would never, under any circumstances, have told me to start dealing with it because that's just the way it is. What's a girl to do? I guess the only sensible answer is to find the best outcome from all the advice I've been given. 

One thing that's easy to admit is that I am in love. With a city. Paris is a place where you can get easily swept up in a romance. Adorable bistrots and cafes where the greats like Hemingway and Fitzgerald sat before you. Fruity red wine, desserts you can't pronounce and food that's melt-in-your-mouth delicious make it easy to fall in love with the city and with someone. It's even easier to fall for Paris' charm when the French language is fluttering seductively from people's lips. The important thing is not to fall too quickly!  Be prepared for whirlwind romances and je t'aimes early on but don't open your heart too easily. French men are renowned for their infidelity and even if commitment is placed on the table at an early stage it's not a guarantee that they won't cheat. I'm not a cynic (even if I may sound like one in this last paragraph) but after three years in France I'm a realist. Prendre ton temps, take your time and don't be afraid to teach French men the beauty of being easy going.

Good luck fellow singletons and maybe one day we'll understand dating the French.

Why, when and where to go in the South of France

To finish an old blog that I forgot about here is my mini-guide to the South of France. Or at least, a guide to the places I visited during a holiday this year. All photos taken by yours truly!

Rennes les Bains

A small spa town, 30 miles from Caracasonne, Rennes les Bains is a beautiful and peaceful place to visit. Historically it was home to a number of Roman baths and people believed that leprosy could be cured with the water that came from the thermal baths. In actual fact most people were suffering from eczema and the high mineral content in the water did relieve the symptoms. Today these baths are no longer in use but people can still bathe in the water which goes directly into the river Sals (free of charge)! You can park just as you arrive in the small town, which I would recommend as there is no other car park if you continue driving! From the car park you can see a beautiful, new turquoise pool which is kept at a wonderful 30 degrees and is the perfect place to relax and have a swim. It's also not expensive so you can spend as much time as you like visiting the pool. There are only two hotels which are both quite quaint but great value for money and very well located. I recommend the Hotel de France which cost us only 45 euros a night (for 2 people) http://www.hotel-rennes-les-bains.com/ As far as restaurants go there are 3 in the town, a pizzeria which was great and ideal when you want to have a relaxing night in, a typical French restaurant where you can eat confit de canard and a little French cafe in the main square (which was interestingly a Roman market place in the past). I would highly recommend visiting this town, just make sure you have a car!

Carcassonne

Carcassonne is a fortified city in the Aude department of France. The town itself is separated into the medieval city and the ville basse (the lower city). The medieval city is what you really need to visit as it really is very impressive and after being restored in 1853 is still extremely well preserved. The city was built with towers and barbicans to prevent attack, one of the towers eventually being used for torturing people and therefore became known as The Inquistion Tower. Looking at the city now it's hard to believe that it was once in such disrepair that it was ordered to be demolished! Luckily there was an uproar against the decision in 1849 and the people protested to preserve the fortress as a historical monument. Today you can still enjoy the beautiful view and the traditional layout of the city itself. Well worth a visit. I'd recommend staying at the Trois Couronnes, a great hotel located very close to the medieval city and close enough to walk to and from the train station. http://www.hotel-destroiscouronnes.com/

Collioure 

Collioure is a commune in the Pyrenees-Orientales department in Southern France, lying on the Mediterranean. From Rennes les Bains it was a good 3 hour drive but it was well worth the trip. It was, unfortunately, quite difficult to park and after driving around for almost half an hour we decided to park at the very top of the hill and walk down into the town which didn't take too long at all. Being so close to the border between France and Spain the town itself has a very Spanish feel and the weather definitely felt like we were in Spain - with the sun shining from all angles! The town itself has a very antique feel, with cobbled streets, narrow alleyways and archways. The sea is a clear blue, surrounded by a pebbled beach and a huge clock tower that extends outwardly into the sea. After a seafood lunch next to the beach we took a walk around the town itself, eating ice cream and looking in a few of the nick-nack shops. It really is one of the prettiest towns I have ever seen. Interestingly enough there is also an army barracks there, so we regularly passed soldiers in the middle of their training exercises. I had also planned to stop off in Perpignon but I wasn't overly impressed when we drove through it so I decided on Collioure instead and seriously, it was a good decision! I would highly recommend visiting this town if you have the chance. 

The gorgeous, green South

Part II

As we woke on the Thursday morning we packed up our bags and headed back into the centre of Carcassonne. We'd rented a car for the next 4 days and needed to pick it up. I was, admittedly, a little nervous because I hadn't driven in quite a while and not in France for 2 years...so I was slightly worried about swerving into a bush or knocking someone off their bicycle. It turned out that the company gave us a new Peugeot 206 (just like mine at home, except being more modern and the sporty version). I immediately felt more comfortable and just told Guillaume to warn me if I started to sway to the right too much. After dropping our bags in the boot we set off in the direction of Rennes les Bains. I was a little concerned as we had no real map but Gui was quite sure he remembered the way so I put my trust in his elephant-like memory.

We arrived around an hour later at a small mountain village, surrounded by hills in the middle of nowhere with a river sweeping through the middle of it. It was an incredible sight and it took me a while to get used to the idea that we were actually staying there, for a few days at least. We entered our hotel, only one of two in the village and moved into our large but quaint room. We had a big balcony that we shared with two other rooms but as we were the only guests in the hotel we had it all to ourselves! It was a quiet period in the hotel, hence why we were alone and the vielle dame who ran the hotel recognised Guillaume from the year before. She was very kind and accommodating although sometimes difficult to understand due to her southern accent! I think the only negative was that it was very cold in our room on the first night but that quickly improved with the help of an electric heater and the sun shining through our long, high window.

Our hotel in the middle on the left

I can't remember the exact order we did things in but I remember that we took a long walk all around the village breathing in the fresh air. It was strange but the fresh air, the sun and the peaceful ambiance soon made us relax entirely, so entirely that we very quickly fell asleep that night after picking up a fresh pizza from the one and only pizzeria in town...Oh how I loved village life already.

The beautiful village

Discovering the South

For my birthday this year my other half offered me a trip to the South of France. I'd been before as a child but not for many years so we booked some time off together and decided to take a break from the hustle and bustle of Paris and our lives here. It was much needed, as was a bit of sun!

We left Paris early on Wednesday morning, 6.20am to be exact, and took the train down to Montpellier. Luckily Gui had been working and I didn't sleep a lot at my friend's (I was paranoid I would miss my alarm) so we both slept like babies on the train, waking up 3 hours later just before arriving at the station. We had a quick changeover onto a smaller train headed to Carcassonne and viola before midday we had arrived in the south, don't you just love the TGV?

Fast and futuristic trains in France, my favourite way to travel.

We'd decided to stay in Carcassonne overnight so we had time to explore the Medieval City which was beautiful. Our hotel was incredible with an enormous bed which felt like sleeping on a marshmallow mattress, a cute little balcony and even a swimming pool. We quickly freshened up and headed out to check out the city and soak up some sun. The city itself was beautiful with cobbled stone walls and floors, a huge well, arena and garden plus a beautiful view of the surrounding area. The sun was blazing down on us by one 'o' clock and I could already feel myself burning a little, what a difference a day makes - from gloomy Paris to the sunny south. Gui had a restaurant in mind for lunch  which we located in a beautiful little terrace area covered in sunlight. We both took  the same meal lamb shank with couscous and red peppers which was absolutely delicious! We'd only been in the south a few hours and we already knew we wouldn't want to leave when the time came. After exploring the city for a few hours we headed back to the hotel, I went for a swim while Gui took a nap and we both thoroughly relaxed. Unfortunately it was a bank holiday so when we tried to go for dinner most things were closed! So we grabbed a sandwich and an early night as we knew we would have to be up early to check out and pick up the car! Time to drive!

The view from our hotel

Yummy lunch

View from the medieval city

Frenchie - no not me, the wine bar and restaurant

Apologies first of all for being MIA during the entire month of March but it's been a busy time for me. First of all we had our family holiday to Florida which was great, I even have a little bit of a tan so I am no longer pale and sickly looking, hooray! Unfortunately as soon as I got back from my lovely, relaxing holiday it was straight back to work and I feel like I've had my head in a pile of books ever since. Anyway...I'm back now and I'd like to tell you all about some recent discoveries of mine.

There are so many blogs I want to write but I think tonight I'll have to start with a blog about the metro station of SENTIER. Don't worry I won't spend 500 words explaining how homeless men frequent the metro stations of Paris, in reality this blog is going to be about an area that I never even knew existed before last week and how quickly I've fallen in love with it. 

A couple of weeks ago I met Denali at Sentier for an after-work drink. She said she knew a little wine bar where we could grab a drink and being two stops from my work it was the perfect location. We went to a little bar called Frenchie which I'd never heard of and that you would honestly never find if you didn't know it was there. The road is tiny and apart from the bar itself and it's adjoining restaurant (opposite) there is little else on the road. When we arrived the bar was already pretty packed and I was surprised when the waitress approached us and seemed to have some kind of weird accent. We spoke in French at first and I quickly realised she was actually American so we switched to English. We couldn't get a table as it  was too busy but she took our name and gave us a number, explaining that she would come and get us when a table freed up. We placed ourselves at the bar and were again greeted by another fellow expat - a Canadian girl who was really friendly and even let us try some wine before we decided to go for a delicious full bodied red.

The bar has such a pleasant atmosphere and very friendly staff which makes the whole experience very enjoyable. The menu is simple but exquisite with lots of peculiar French dishes that sounded mouth-watering. After pouring over the menu we finally decided to go with a cheese board (including 3 different cheeses) which was absolutely divine. The bread was delicious, it wasn't your standard French baguette it was huge and dark almost like rye bread and we gazed at the waitress as she cut small slices of heaven for us and placed them in a rustic looking basket. Washed down with the delicious wine we chose it couldn't have been better. The American girl finally came back and offered us a table but we'd got so comfortable at the bar, laughing and joking with other expats and receiving regular top ups of wine that we decided to stay put. I think the only downside was the lack of space, you really need to get their early or you can't get a seat or place at the bar and the price of the wine - 8 euros a glass (!!!!) - which they don't tell you when you are tasting it! But honestly, if you want good food, good wine, good service and a good atmosphere Frenchie is the place to be.

RESTAURANT et bar a vin FRENCHIE
5-6, RUE DU NIL 75002 PARIS
TÉL. : +33 (0)1.40.39.96.19
MÉTRO 3 : SENTIER

http://www.frenchie-restaurant.com/

French doctors like to throw drugs at patients

Last week I started writing a blog about the French Health Care System and how impressed I was with it. Unfortunately that was when I thought that I was getting better and when I thought my doctor actually cared if I lived-or-died. So here is where my long, tiring and costly story begins.

2 weeks ago on Monday I started having chest pains, I didn't really think much of it as the temperature was near to freezing so it was no surprise that I couldn't breathe well. After a few days the pain hadn't gone away and I started feeling unwell so I decided to go to the doctor for a check-up. I went to the walk-in centre at St Lazare, booked myself an appointment, paid 23 euros and as instructed, took the elevator up to the first floor to wait. Waiting to see a doctor in France is quite a bizarre experience, I felt like I was waiting to receive plastic surgery or maybe some kind of teeth whitening procedure. Very unlike how you feel in a UK waiting room.

A waiting room in England...

In a UK waiting room the colours are really bland, there is normally green or yellow on the walls which doesn't particularly help if you're already feeling queasy. In France the colours are bright and the room clinically white which strangely makes you feel slightly brighter, even when you feel like merde. Anyway as much as I'm praising the surgery itself the doctor was unfortunately not so helpful. I asked specifically to have a doctor who spoke a little English, if possible. Although my French is good it's sometimes difficult to explain certain things, especially medical terms and I knew my friend Monique had been to the same surgery and spoken to a doctor only in English so I thought I'd be in luck. Unfortunately my doctor had other ideas. I explained that I was English, that I could speak French but might need to speak in English if I had any problems. He just nodded, continued to chatter away in French and when I didn't understand the word souffler completely ignored my question and moved swiftly on to the next. After a quick chest examination, he explained very rapidly what drugs he would give me and where I should go for a radio. He shoved an arret du travail (a sick note) and a prescription in my hand and ushered me out the door. Ten minutes flat and although I had a list of medication that I should take I wasn't exactly sure what was wrong with me.

Finally it was the pharmacist who explained that the prescribed antibiotics meant that I probably had a chest infection (thank you for explaining Doctor, it's not your job or anything). Unfortunately the pharmacist turned out to be not so helpful either, even though she explained what maladie I had she also gave me the wrong antibiotics (for children not adults), which I only discovered when I got home. Fail.com

So finally on Friday morning I got the correct antibiotics and headed to work feeling slightly better. Then it all went downhill from there...Saturday bad, Sunday worse, Monday even worse. I went to work on Monday feeling awful and it was agreed that I wouldn't work on Tuesday so that I could go BACK to the doctors. Something clearly wasn't right...antibiotics should make you feel better not worse! Luckily David gave me the number for his doctor in the 18th who he highly recommended so I hoped to finally get some answers and god forbid...get better!

Tuesday was unfortunately 'sans rendezvous' (no reserved appointments) so I arrived when the surgery opened guessing that would be enough in advance. I opened the door of the waiting room and to my surprise (and shock) there were already at least 10 people in the room. At first I didn't understand how this whole waiting-in-the-room worked. "How would I know when it was my turn?" I thought to myself. After a good 10 minutes of confusion the next person came in and asked "C'etait qui la derniere?" (Who came in last, basically) and I finally realised that when you enter you ask who was just before you and then keep a beady eye on them to know when it's your turn. Simple, non?

I was relieved to see that this rather peculiar system confused even the pro's. The older women in the room kept asking "Am I next?" or "Are you next and then I'm after you?" Who can blame them really, after 2 hours in a room full of sick people, even my head was starting to spin. Yes you read that right, 2 HOURS is how long I waited in the doctor's surgery; it was January, every Tom, Dick and Harry was sick.

Finally when my turn came around I practically dived into the doctor's office. Dr Bocarra however, was definitely worth the wait. He was incredibly nice and 100% professional, making me realise how poor the first doctor I had seen actually was. He asked me about 20 questions before he even started to examine me and even complimented my French :-) He was pretty annoyed when I showed him the antibiotics from the other doctor and said that he never should have given me those. He explained that I had bronchitis and needed strong antibiotics, nasal spray, cough medicine and allergy pills, plus the rest of the week off work. I thanked him repeatedly, paid my 33 euros and off I went to the next stop - the pharmacy.

All the medication I needed came to a grand total of 56 euros which I reluctantly handed over, while the pharmacist explained that it was so expensive because of the antibiotics I needed (he must have registered the shock on my face). So finally 89 euros down, I headed home, broke (je suis a sec/j'ai plus un radis) and defeated.

The grand total - so four days off work (with no sick pay), 15 euros for meds + 26 euros for the first doctor + 89 euros for the second doctor and meds makes Chloe a poor girl!! The French System will normally reimburse about 70% of your payments but in my case, as I'm still waiting for my carte vitale (which would be better called Card from Hell) I get nothing, zero, nada, rien. But don't worry when you finally do get your card you can buy a Louis Vuitton bag with all the money the government owe you.

Mon dieu. Take your vitamins friends!