Why are the French so hopeless when it comes to dating?
Perhaps it's due to the romantic stereotypes that surround Paris? Perhaps it's due the latin blood running through the veins of most Parisian men? Perhaps it's due to the city itself tearing couples apart with copious amounts of stress? Perhaps it's just down to pure arrogance? Whatever the reason I'm keen to find out.
I have to be honest and admit that it's not only my personal experiences that have led me to this conclusion, but the experiences of friends and colleagues. However, I will start with my own experience first. I first got involved with a French guy a few short months after I touched down in the city of lights. At the time I felt like it was quite an ordinary courtship. I frequented his bar over a period of 6-8 weeks until an invitation was placed on the table, or should I say, bar? However, looking back now I realise how bizarre it really was. After our first date we were inseparable, spending as much time as possible together, falling into what I like to call...the togetherness trap.
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| Lesson 1: don't spend too much time together |
You're probably wondering what I'm talking about, but if you've ever dated a French person you should understand. Intensity seems to be their middle name. Nothing is done slowly or casually, but at high speed as if they believe the world will end tomorrow. I recently experienced something like this, where after two dates the person in question got very attached, very quickly. After our second date I received an 'I love you' text which, as you can all imagine, was a little bewildering. It's such a shame that some French people have the tendency to do this because what they don't seem to realise is that it sends us English girls running...
I actually tried to fix the situation, hoping that it was just a misunderstanding, a bad French-English translation. I tried to explain that English and French dating wasn't the same, that we took our time and didn't rush into things. In my mind honesty is (generally) the best policy. Unfortunately it went down like a lead balloon and that was that, another short-lived romance over before it even began.
On the other end of the spectrum I can sometimes see why people fall into the togetherness trap. French men are incredibly charming, that is something that I can't deny. They understand the power of flirtation, using eye contact so often you feel like they're reading into your soul on a regular basis. They also still use the 'wink' which in England is almost outdated as a flirtation technique, used generally by men trying to woo you in the street (not exactly a classy affair). In Paris however it's used carefully, not too much, not too little. When a French man winks at you correctly it normally causes a legs-turn-to-jelly effect, causing you to blush and relish in the attention you're receiving. That is, of course, if he's attractive.
I actually tried to fix the situation, hoping that it was just a misunderstanding, a bad French-English translation. I tried to explain that English and French dating wasn't the same, that we took our time and didn't rush into things. In my mind honesty is (generally) the best policy. Unfortunately it went down like a lead balloon and that was that, another short-lived romance over before it even began.
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| Lesson 2: don't be too intense |
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| Make sure you select your French man carefully girls |
"You're lucky you didn't sleep with him or you'd be married by now"
"It's in their nature to be intense, I met my husbands parents after less than a month"
"It's nothing like dating an English guy, we can be casual for 6 months before even admitting that we're officially a couple, with the French it's normally under 6 weeks"
"You have to learn to go with it, c'est la vie"
Even my French colleagues nonchalantly admitted that dating for them is a very serious affair and not something that can be carried out casually. The thing that I found so interesting is the extreme difference between the British and French attitude to dating. If I'd explained the same situation to my friends in the UK they would have said -
"Get shot of him as fast as you can"
"Haha you always attract crazy people"
"Oh dear that sounds intense"
They would never, under any circumstances, have told me to start dealing with it because that's just the way it is. What's a girl to do? I guess the only sensible answer is to find the best outcome from all the advice I've been given.
One thing that's easy to admit is that I am in love. With a city. Paris is a place where you can get easily swept up in a romance. Adorable bistrots and cafes where the greats like Hemingway and Fitzgerald sat before you. Fruity red wine, desserts you can't pronounce and food that's melt-in-your-mouth delicious make it easy to fall in love with the city and with someone. It's even easier to fall for Paris' charm when the French language is fluttering seductively from people's lips. The important thing is not to fall too quickly! Be prepared for whirlwind romances and je t'aimes early on but don't open your heart too easily. French men are renowned for their infidelity and even if commitment is placed on the table at an early stage it's not a guarantee that they won't cheat. I'm not a cynic (even if I may sound like one in this last paragraph) but after three years in France I'm a realist. Prendre ton temps, take your time and don't be afraid to teach French men the beauty of being easy going.
Good luck fellow singletons and maybe one day we'll understand dating the French.
