First example - Decided to take Jen to the sex shop 'Passage du desir' in Le Marais, it's interesting as well as a good laugh with friends. So I decide to be clever and show Jenny this vibrator which I think is really cool. It's something stupid like 80 euros and it's called a Mimi but literally it looks like a pebble or one of those soft stones you find on the beach...hence my intrigue as it's not the standard copy-cock. So there we are looking around and I decide to turn on the tester and show Jenny (not tried this before). After a few minutes I realise I can't turn it off, moreover it WON'T turn off. Imagine me stood in the middle of a sex shop with a vibrating pebble, frantically pressing it to try and get it to just bloody turn off. I decided the best thing to do would be to put it back under the perspex box it was under and run off. Unfortunately the shop assistant, who just so happened to be stunningly gorgeous, arrived prematurely and I couldn't get away. He looked at me, then at the vibrating perspex box which was dancing around the table and back to me again. It literally looked like a remote control toy. I am pretty sure I was a shade of violet and for some reason I just forgot all of my french. For the life of me I didn't know how to say 'turn off' so I just kept mumbling something about "uhh c'est casse je pense..." which effectively means its broken. Miraculously he smiled, showed me how you switch it off and then started asking me where I was from etc. I was so embarassed, even when we left he was seriously smirking at me, I knew he wanted to laugh. Won't be going back in there for a while - cringeeeeee.
Second shameful moment - has to go to this weekend's activities. We returned to The Long Hop this weekend to watch the England vs France rugby game, we won luckily a cheeky 16-9 and I was really pleased as well as a bit tipsy. Anyhow...last time we were there was the England vs Wales game where American au pair met a boy and because British au pair had already left as well as the Mexicans, I was effectively stood on my own. It didn't bother me though, the bouncer had told me they were closing soon so I was happy to wait and let American au pair enjoy the last 5 minutes. Whilst I was stood at the bar the barman started giving me free shots and kept joking about "to your 5 minutes" because he realised I had been waiting for a little while. Still I didn't mind as I was now getting free shots. It was only when we went to leave that we realised they were really joking around with us, the bouncer started winding Ilana up and we all left in drunken giggles. I for one was very drunk, was nearly sick on the night bus, not good ha. So anyway that was that and this was nearly a month ago. I had joked about seeing the barman again because he looks like JJ from skins but I didn't really expect to see him let alone have him recognise us. I went to the bar after the game when it had got a bit quieter and he sort of smirked at me a few times when I was ordering but I thought nothing of it...then he was literally around our table for any reason possible - moving the table, getting glasses, changing a lightbulb?!? That's when me and American au pair started to wonder if maybe he did remember us...Not long after he appears at the table with 4 free shots and explains how they were 'for last time' in his French accent. He literally said "you know when you two were here, last time!" and pointed at me and American au pair. I literally dropped my head in my hands and was so embarassed. It was very funny but I just couldn't believe in one night we had made such an impression for him to remember us a month later. Deary me.
I probably did more ridiculous things but I can't remember them right now...I think that's probably enough to give you a few smiles this week.
Oh and just so you can laugh a bit more - the guy I'm seeing had a hello kitty flannel in his bathroom, I was literally like "qu'est que c'est ça?" which is bluntly, WHAT is that? He said it was a gift but it would just be my luck that it was something he randomly liked...the Europeans love Hello Kitty, god knows why! Someone please reduce the amount of times I make a prat of myself?
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