The minutes, the hours, the days.

It's been a little while since I last blogged and a lot has changed in that time. Firstly, something that I thought was increasing my happiness actually happened to alter it greatly. I won't go into so much detail, mainly because I don't want to relive the painful experience but let's just say: lesson learnt - people are not always as genuine as they may first appear. A wise friend told me an incredible quote today (she really understands my literary side) that

"Most loves are like that ... You heart starts to feel like an overcrowded lifeboat. You throw your pride out to keep it afloat, and your self-respect and independence. After a while, you start throwing people out - your friends, everyone you used to know. And it's still not enough. The lifeboat is still sinking, and you know it's going to take you down with it. I've seen that happen to a lot of girls here. That's why I'm sick of love."

After that I am determined to read the book - Shantaram, recommended to me by my lovely friend Charlotte.

I am also reading a new book, given to me by the lovely American family that I sometimes sit for. It's called 'Sarah's Key' and it's based on the story of young Sarah Starzynski - a young French, Jewish child living in Paris during the occupation. It jumps between Sarah's story in 1942 to that of Julia Jarmond in 2002 and how their past, present and future have become inextricably linked. So far it's been incredibly moving and emotional and I would recommend it to anyone. It has also opened my eyes to how few people are aware of the Vel d'hiv Roundup of 1942 and how responsible the French really were. I've been angry and sad whilst reading this novel but it has reminded me how important it is not to forget the past and how important it is to learn from our mistakes. A really good read.

Lastly I have flu, big bad old horrible flu. La grippe as the French call it, like it literally grips you. Bloody nightmare. Been in bed most of the week, missed my exam today and its still not shifting. Hope it's gone for the rugby and my babysitting on the weekend :-/ already feel like a social hermit. Also stressing about next year, all I know so far is that i'm leaving Paris to go home for the summer and I have no idea after that. If you know me well you should know I plan, EVERYTHING. So for me not to have a plan is...different. Brave? Or just plain foolish? Who knows yet.