Table for one please.

Now, the title of my blog might seem a little strange (what's new), but it has reasoning. France was a big move for me, something I've always wanted but not something I honestly thought I'd accomplish by the ripe old age of just 22. Let's be honest, I nearly fell flat on my face. I'm not going to lie to you. I almost had several melt downs, even once declaring that I hated France and wanted to shut up shop and go home. Don't misunderstand. I love my job, I love my friends and I love Paris but France has this wonderful way of making it almost impossible for you to do ANYTHING without paperwork. In a way it's a good system, people walk in and out of the UK and just pick up free health care as easily as they'd pick up a take away from your local Indian restaurant on the corner. In France, this is impossible. Everything requires paperwork and there is often a strange logic behind acquiring the paperwork which means you can't get your hands on that paperwork without doing something ridiculous. Anyway...this isn't supposed to be a rant about France because let's face it, I'm here and it's my home now and I have to respect their laws which is fine...most of the time. The important thing is I finally feel like I'm standing on my own two feet, (for honestly, the first time in my entire life). I'm a fairly dependent person and it wasn't the best quality I found out I possess. So to finally achieve things 'toute seule' has made me feel weirdly liberated. My internet finally works (as you can see) AND I managed to negotiate a 63 euro refund. My health card is taking it's time (of course paper work is involved) but it's coming together. My bank is done,  my apartment is functioning fine (meaning I haven't broken anything yet). Maybe I chipped a plate but who's counting that eh? I also have about a million things to look forward to in this next month so in general things are really great and my confidence in myself, life in general and the French language are all growing at a healthy, steady rate. Alors, on that subject c'est tout.

Anyway...my blog was actually supposed to be about idioms. Yes I'm an English teacher but no I'm not going to give you a lesson on idioms, I'm not that much of a closet geek don't fret. So...last week I did a class on idioms as part of my tea time, and really, it was such a laugh. Trying to explain some of the idioms just made me realise how complicated languages can really be. Some were (thankfully), exactly the same such as 'don't add fuel to the fire.' Whereas others varied just with one word...apparently in English when you say 'a leopard doesn't change its spots' the French say that a 'cheetah' doesn't. Where we say 'I could eat a horse' the French say that they have 'the appetite of a wolf' or that they could eat a 'vache' (a cow) which is funny because we don't actually eat horse meat and the French do. I started to realise that although these idioms have some logic and are really fun and interesting to learn they make a language so difficult. It made me think about all the idioms we use on a daily basis. These are just a few situations where I have used or heard idioms:

- When I was a child I would always pester my grandfather about where he was going if he tried to leave the house. He would always say "I'm going to see a man about a dog." Now...he lived on a farm (still does actually) where they often took in dogs from the shelter so this seemed like a normal response. It was only recently that I realised that a) he never did come back with a new dog and b) he was obviously using it because as all children are I was always curious and frankly a bit nosey. This response meant he didn't really have to tell me what he was doing or where he was going at all. An adult's right I suppose. Took me almost 15 years to realise this. Thank you gramps for always keeping me in line :-)

- "You can't have your cake and eat it too." Something that I've said to many girl-friends and that many of my friends have said to me and it's ALWAYS about men. It's almost used as a comfort, just to remind each other that you can't be greedy in life so whoever this man is who is trying to be greedy you should get rid of him asap.

- "A leopard doesn't change it's spots." My mother said this to me only last week, sometimes you need to remind each other that people don't normally change, however much you want them to. (This quote actually gave me the idea of doing idioms with my students which they all loved so thanks Mum!)

- "A chip on your shoulder." A favourite of my dad's, often used to describe old boyfriends of mine from university. Believing that someone is always resentful about things that have happened in their life instead of being positive and looking towards the future. This makes my dad sound like a severe man but he isn't, he just doesn't believe in blaming your circumstances and situation for the path your life takes. My dad is living proof that no matter what background you come from you can achieve anything.

- "A cock and bull story." One of my personal favourites. Basically when a person tells an unbelievable story which is clearly a lie. We call it a cock and bull story because we're English and we don't like to curse. So excuse my French while I translate, it means that what the person is saying is total and utter 'bullshit.'

- "Excuse my French" is actually an idiom which as you can see I just used...meaning excuse me for cursing (using a gros mot) No idea why we say this, honestly but it makes me laugh.

- "Are you pulling my leg???" Meaning simply, are you joking? I said this to my colleague only yesterday. It's almost when you can't believe something so to stress how much you can't believe it you ask if your leg is being pulled...makes perfect sense...right?

I could go on for days....(I won't) but you see my point. There are HUNDREDS, I don't think I even know them all and I'm English born and bred. How are we supposed to learn them all in different languages, oh....................wow. I'll stick with my French without the idioms..........for now.

I also had a hilarious run in with a student who kept asking Jack and I on repeat what the word

"teeeeeeeeear shiiiiiiiit" meant

We came up with - toilet paper (Jack) and to tear a piece of paper (me). The word was in fact TIME SHEET. I love the French accent and how much entertainment simple things can provide. Even the student was laughing, he knew he was saying a swear word but he couldn't not say it, his accent was just superb.

Wow...long blog, in the words of the looney tunes - that's all folks!



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An old blog that can finally be posted - the longest blog i've ever blogged

(BEFORE you read - this blog is about a month old so the dates I'm talking about are a little confusing!) I now have internet and a land line at my apartment, hence the appearance of this blog.

Warning: Now…don’t say I didn’t warn you because the title says it all about this particular blog. I haven’t blogged for far too long, not through a lack of want but through lack of time (plus the ongoing lack of internet at my place…I finally got time to try and install it and failed). I think I need to buy a fixed phone for the apartment and eventually it might finally work…just another thing to add to the number of petit erreurs I have made in the past few weeks. I say petit with a hint of sarcasm because I have had several hilarious failures at life in the last few weeks.

Je suis tombee: First of all I fell over in the street, right in front of a packed bar that I often frequent after work. It was terribly embarrassing…helped less by the fact that the person I was with almost didn’t notice and only realised by the reaction of the people who filled the terrace. So…after eventually being helped up and having brushed myself off I entered the bar followed by numerous bad jokes about ‘faire attention’ and ‘quatre ou cinq cocktails mademoiselle??’ I was not impressed as I had only had two cocktails and also fell due to a ridiculously unsafe piece of pavement that is entirely unlevel (France has a lack of concern for health and safety sometimes…in England this pavement would not exist and I would therefore have still been standing). Now before I go any further I just want to explain that I do not normally rant about the French people or the French system of living. However this has been a special couple of weeks and I have had some clashes with both aforementioned things. Alors…viola, this week excuse my rant but sometimes it’s necessary.

Pure idiocy: Last week I also managed to block my phone whilst at Disneyland rendering me phoneless and seriously frustrated. It sounds ridiculous but when your phone is your only connection to your friends, your emails, your blog…..your social life entirely it is incredibly annoying when you manage to block it honestly just by not paying attention. I’m sure people are starting to expect me to do ridiculous things it’s becoming such a recurring thing. I arrived at work the other morning after a pretty poor night’s sleep and my boss must have recognised the look on my face because he asked me “Did you lose your phone again??” Oh yes…reminding me that when I first started at Wall Street I dropped my phone in the Seine whilst enjoying a subway sandwich. Phones in the river, stolen, drove over…whatever next. Anyway of course to fix my phone I had to go to the shop because if you don’t have a Bouygues phone or a landline (which I do but it’s still not working) you can’t call Bouygues to ask for help – ingenious, really. Luckily I had a two hour lunch and there is a shop on Rue Auber so I nipped across in my lunch for what I thought would be a 20 minute jobby. On arrival I was instructed by another customer who was already waiting to take a ticket…so I did. After twenty minutes of watching overweight phone consultants try to sell people phone deals my number finally got called and I got the manager so I thought ‘Great I’m in luck this should take two minutes!’ Unfortunately for me I had the consultant who decided to take a phone call during my ‘meeting’ and proceed to chat about something entirely different for another ten minutes. Now…I am not an impatient person but I can see where some of the French people get their lack of patience from, something that literally should have taken five minutes took almost 45 minutes. I found myself huffing and tutting at the man on the phone who eventually hung up and apologised. I have officially started to become Parisian…I have never tutted someone in my life before. Here in France however it seems it’s how you get things done. Finalement, my phone was unblocked.

Bruises: Owing to the fact that I am constantly falling over, walking into doors/windows/cupboard corners I am normally covered with a bruise or…4. I have four at the moment. My bruises also cause a hilarious amount of discussion between my colleagues and I and seem to provide constant amusement for both staff and students. I have already been asked “Did your boyfriend do that to you??” and have been forced to retell the story of my mauvais circulation (bad circulation) and general lack of balance in life more than ten times. A) I don’t have a boyfriend and B) if I so much as brush past a door I bruise. The best thing I did recently was open my bedroom door and walk into it at the same time…this has happened twice because until I shower in a morning I am not awake at all and my hand-eye co-ordination barely works under normal circumstances…add tiredness = an accident. It left me with a red mark in the middle of my face last time, classy. Funnily enough my clumsiness only really began being noticed when I went to university. I think it’s because (and sorry if you’re reading this Kate Thompson) but my best friend all through school and sixth form (and still wonderful friend back in England) was the clumsiest person I have ever known. Kate could fall over anywhere…we were playing hide and seek once and I hid in the cupboard under the stairs (Harry Potter style) when Kate came tumbling down the stairs in her attempt to locate me. Well she found me of course because I was laughing so hard I burst out the cupboard to find her crumpled at the bottom of the stairs, partially resembling a puppet that had been cut from its strings. So it never really came up until university, Kate was always the clumsy one not me…oh how things change. In conclusion; I bruise a lot (inherited from my mother who is at least 5 times worse with bruises), I used to be self conscious and from time to time I still am (especially if the bruise is on show) but I have started to accept it’s going to be something I’m just going to have to deal with…and the jokes/sarcastic comments that follow.

Je suis tombee…again: So I fell over again, this time with Callum and Lydia on the way home from dinner (not a drop of alcohol had passed my lips). Honestly it’s getting ridiculous. I fell down the stairs in the metro and even caused Callum to ask….”Why are you always falling over Clo??” God if only I knew. My only comfort is that it seems to cause a huge amount of amusement among my friends and family and at least through that it seems it has some purpose. Later in the week I went to a bar in Bastille with some guy friends, tried to cross my legs at the bar and banged my knee so hard on the bar top I almost fell off my stool...one friend who was present is actually a doctor and he explained that I really should ‘faire attention.’ Yes, must be more careful, duly noted.

A general update: Work is great as always, we had our work do recently which was just amazing. It was held in an old sort of museum where everything was a relic of the 50s. Carousels, ball games, balancers, champagne, foie gras, crepes and sushi, a bizarre mix that somehow worked well together. It was the best work party I’ve certainly ever been to, everyone looked great, there were some interesting characters on the dance floor and we danced to a selection of Barry White, the Jacksons, LMAO and other tunes all night. It is a night I will always remember.

Lydia and Callum came to visit and I spent a nice day at Disney with them (minus blocking my phone) and a lovely evening with some other friends Kat, Rich and a face who recently reappeared, back from Boston – Cedric. Apparently he missed the English accent – I face constant debate about which is better, I personally love the enthusiasm behind the American accent but I guess it’s down to personal preference.

I’ve had what feels like several life-changing months, a lot has changed and although I’m still aware that I’m very young and have a lot to learn I’ve definitely grown up. My good friend Helena recently told me that the “sparkle” is back in my eye and I seem myself again. I think I lost myself for a little while along the way resulting in a crack under stress and pressure and the breakdown of a relationship but now in the words of someone I respect very much “Life is good.”

That’s all for now darlings.

Flaner - to walk around aimlessly

For the first time since August I really took a walk (last week). The french call this habit of walking around Paris without a real purpose 'flaner,' and I, for one, love to have a bit of a flan around. The dessert is good too. So last week I finally changed my bank to my address (only three months late) and I went to the old apartment to check the post box which was empty so...viola. I'm starting to feel that that part of my life is almost over and things are moving forward one step at a time. Just spoke to Bouygues and my internet will be fixed after the weekend and they are reimboursing me 63 euros so life is good! Anyway, back to my ambling aroud Paris.

Even though I spent so much time of time last year around Notre Dame I somehow missed the wonderful little road of Rue Saint-Louis en l'Ile. I guess it is named as such due to the fact that it rests between Ile de la cite and Ile saint louis, the only two remaining natural islands on the Seine. It's the centre of Paris and the location were the medieval city was refounded. It's not a large street and on a Friday morning it avoided the disturbance of tourists. Actually, even though it offers some slightly touristic shops (like pylones) it seems to successfully avoid most of the gangs of tourists that surround Notre Dame. It's probably why it's one of my favourite streets, undisturbed and unaffected by les etrangeres (literally the strangers from overseas - foreigners). There are lots of little chic stores, restaurants, brasseries, bakeries, butchers and most importantly fromageries - cheese shops. I have never seen a cheese shop quite like this one. The door is always open and when you walk past the strongest whiff of cheese sweeps through your nostrils. I'm desperate to go in but although I've mastered many things in French buying cheese in measurements is NOT one. I live in fear that I will order and leave with a year's supply of goat's cheese. One day cheese shop, one day.

I also stumbled upon butchers with so much meat in the window that my eyes nearly popped out. My eyes were immediately drawn to an entire pig's leg (including the foot and complete with trotter), a whole turkey and the insides of maybe 5 different animals. The shop was full of people with their hands in the air who looked like they were trying to win something at an auction. Again I failed to have the courage to go in.

Lastly I entered a petite boulangerie to savour the delights of my first Galette de Rois. Admittedly it was not my first ever galette but the first since last year. Galettte de Rois is a traditional French pastry eaten on the day of the epiphany. The cake or pastry normally has a sall trinket inside (last year it was Harry Potter characters) and the person who receives the piece of galette with the trinket can also wear the crown ad becomes King for the day. The pastry is light and fluffy with almonds, butter and a hint of marzipan. It is truly delicious but very sweet. I chase a simple galette individuelle but still only ate half! If you get the chance to try this delicious cake, try to buy a larger one (for 4 people for example) and warm it up a little when you get home. Just be careful not to swallow the trinket!

A new year, a fresh start

Wow...my dedication to my blog has been absolutely....dreadful. I did, in fact, write a huge blog in my appartment which I fully intended to bring to work and add to my collection. However, being me, I typed the entire thing to then realise I had no USB stick (and still no internet connection at my place) and therefore could not move it anywhere. Life 1 - Chloe 0.

So much has happened that I don't even know where to begin.

I had a great weekend with Danielle and Megan back in November, where I laughed so much my stomach hurt and which left me feeling grateful for the amazing people I have in my life. Only your best friends can tell you that "when you speak French it makes me want to have sex with you" or make you look like a transvestite with a scousebrow. It was eventful to say the least.

Work was pretty busy up until Christmas so it was nice to take a break and have some time at home. It was probably the best Christmas yet. Dad was a scrooge (as normal but we wouldn't have it any other way), mum made a gorgeous meal and then drank too much champagne (again normal but we wouldn't have it any other way) and Lydia and I just enjoyed some real quality time together, shopping, chatting, eating and drinking! I didn't see as many of my friends as i'd have liked to as the trip was very short but it was nice to be home, enjoying the fresh sea air and the small town of Teignmouth! A very big change to the world I live in now. I was shocked to find myself zooming through Exeter aiport, only to realise no one else was running and no one was even pushing to get past. I was officially back in Britain. I also laughed to myself when I arrived at the TINY passport control area...(two people and two mini stalls). I've never even realised how small it was before I lived in Paris (where even the smallest terminal is like a maze) but now it made me so happy to be home. The small things in life eh?

New year was spent with Jenny and was pretty good overall. The time with Jen was fantastic and we had so much fun together (involving the night before New year's eve getting so drunk, staying out dancing until half five and then throwing up all day Saturday. Never again....I felt so ill it was horrible but had a really great night. NYE was eventful...and I had a good time with Jenny and even a work colleague and his friends. Unfortunately New year just isn't my time of year, frankly, I hate it. I had a great weekend with Jen but NYE is just always a mixed night. Next year I will take my student's advice and stay in with friends, eating foie gras, drinking champagne and talking about what the new year will bring.

Now it's the new year and work is going smoothly and we are still laughing as always. My boss turned up with his jumper on inside out today, one of the many highlights of my working day. I finally paid my debt to Adam so now I feel free (except my bank hates me and I still can't withdraw any cash) but things are looking up. My personal life is censored and will remain so until I have something interesting and worthwhile to say.

The important thing is that I made a resolution for this year to take care of myself more and look for what I really want in my life rather than what I am supposed to want. Last year was a huge learning curve for me and I am still riding the end of that wave so...let's see what 2012 brings.

Bonne année

Happy New Year!