According to Urban Dictionary you may be metrosexual if you do any of the following things:
1. You just can't walk past a fashion store without making a purchase.
2. You own 20 pairs of shoes, half a dozen pairs of sunglasses, just as many watches and you carry a man-purse.
3. You see a stylist instead of a barber, because barbers don't do highlights.
4. You can make her lamb shanks and risotto for dinner and Eggs Benedict for breakfast... all from scratch.
5. You only wear Calvin Klein boxer-briefs.
6. You shave more than just your face. You also exfoliate and moisturize.
7. You would never, ever own a pickup truck.
8. You can't imagine a day without hair styling products.
9. You'd rather drink wine than beer... but you'll find out what estate and vintage first.
10. Despite being flattered (even proud) that gay guys hit on you, you still wouldn't be intimate with a man.
"Some people think he's gay, but he's actually metrosexual."
I honestly believe it might be David Beckham who created this term when he started wearing sarongs and nail varnish a few years ago...making it not only okay, but perfectly acceptable for a straight man to be incredibly feminine...and why not?
There is only one, tiny problem I have with men being metrosexual in Paris; it is almost impossible to tell who is gay and who is straight (and no I'm not joking, I wish I was). It doesn't help that my gay-dar is absolutely terrible. Luckily I have some friends who are much more 'in tune' than I am but sometimes even they get it wrong. It's so difficult to know in Paris because a man having feminine qualities is the norm. In England being a 'lad' means showing as much masculinity as possible; drinking beer, burping, generally being bolshy, referring to how "fit" girls are and using the words "bang a bird" instead of making love to a woman. Here in Paris it's the total opposite. Even in the metro one day, whilst I was looking at the map, a man came over to tell me he wanted to faire l'amour with me (make love) and he was a total stranger (oh how romantic and creepy at the same time). My point is even when they don't know you they are still more delicate with their words. Now, I hate to be cynical and I first I did appreciate it but sometimes it just gets to a point where you want to say "HEY! CAN THE REAL STRAIGHT MEN PLEASE STAND UP???"
I have a friend, who will remain anonymous for obvious reasons, who up until very recently I was entirely convinced was gay. I've known him for about a year but generally his taste in music, dress sense, behaviour with me, general attitude and even his laugh made me come to the conclusion that he was, in fact, gay, Now I never voiced this opinion because I don't think it's at all necessary but thank bloody bananas I didn't. Obviously it turns out he isn't gay and I was way off par with that one. Not only is he interested in women but it's now become apparent he might be interested in me...and all my girl-friends are saying "Oh but you knew he liked you...right?" NEWSFLASH I thought he liked men. It just goes to show you can never ever be sure, even after a year of knowing someone their sexuality can still surprise you.
The other thing that I find difficult to accept is MAN BAGS. I actually wrote a note to my friend Jerry from the Mazet when I saw he had a man-purse. It read "Dear Jerry. I thought we were friends. Then I saw your man bag." He laughed and kept the note not realising that I was, of course, entirely serious (love ya Jerry). Here in France it is entirely acceptable to have a man-bag. It is not fashionable for men to have all their keys, their wallet, their cigarettes and other things in their pockets so consequently some stupid designer decided to create a handbag for men. I hate them. I'm sorry if you're reading this and you own one but I hate them. I like the big bags guys have or the kind of satchel bags guys bring to work (so cute) but a small, girlie, baby purse is not masculine and above all does not make a woman want to sleep with you, EVER. My friends and I first joked that maybe they were just FULL of condoms because French men are so 'stereotypically' promiscuous... but to this day I am still unaware of what really 'fills up' a man-bag and I'm not sure I ever want to find out.
I just don't get it. Why don't they just do what an ex-boyfriend of mine did? When we went out together he put his keys in my bag and kept loose cash and his cards in his pocket. VIOLA, problem solved. No man-bag, no problem. However, I do understand that to do this you need a girlfriend and preferably one who always carries a big enough bag to put 2 sets of keys in (as well as all the junk a girl already carries in her bag). So men are faced with a difficult decision - a man-bag or a girlfriend with a bag. I know which one I'd choose, especially if it was a Marc Jacobs handbag. Boyfriend who??
Going back to urban dictionary's definition of the metrosexual man there is another thing I feel I should address. Metrosexual men and their facial hair, specifically, their eyebrows. Apparently in Paris it's perfectly normal and acceptable for a straight man to go and have his eyebrows waxed. And I don't mean just normally waxed, I mean these bad boys look more pruned and tweezed than Angelina Jolie on the way to the Oscars. They pay so much attention to their outer appearance and insist that their eyebrows being 'tidy' justifies a quick waxing. Most of them look like they've spent more time in a beautician than I ever have (and that must be true because I've never been to one). I actually have a friend who's ex-boyfriend had his eyebrows waxed quite regularly and as his girlfriend she was often present when this special event happened. I'll never forget the first time I called her at the beauticians and she tried to explain, whispering as quietly as a mouse, that her boyfriend was in fact having his eyebrows waxed at this precise moment in time. My friend and I often discussed this afterwards (not the eyebrows as such) but just the general acceptance of men wanting to look 'pretty' and how bizarre it was when we were accustomed to English 'lads' and Canadian and American 'men'. Honestly I've had boyfriends who tweezed but normally it was because of a dire situation e.g. a baby uno-brow and it was normally me who insisted that it be plucked and the boyfriend who eventually realised that no uno-brow was better and continued the plucking without me. Truthfully, besides a little plucking of the eyebrows/monobrow I am pretty inclined to say I don't fancy men with shaped eyebrows. I like rugged men who look like they just got out the shower, rubbed a towel on their head and didn't shave for a couple of days...neat and tidy eyebrows are just not my thing.
The final difficult thing is French men's fashion sense. Generally they all dress pretty well and actually, that's what causes problems for me. They dress so well and again with so much care (you can see colours have been matched and shoes and accessories have been carefully chosen) that I normally presume they aren't straight. A man dressed that well in England...isn't normally batting for my team (if you catch my drift). So honestly, I never know. Between the man bags, the girlie behaviour, the music tastes, the shopping habits, the fashion knowledge and the trim and tidy appearance I don't imagine I will ever really be sure at first who is homosexual and who is heterosexual. I guess it goes back to the age old saying 'Never judge a book by its cover' and I would do well to remember that. In Paris just because a guy loves Lady Gaga and knows what Christian Louboutin shoes are does not necessarily mean he's gay. So keep guessing girls! .
