New design

Well after about an hour of redesigning I have changed my page, as you can see I'm no Van Gogh but let me know what you think...if you lovely readers out there totally hate it, I'll change it. I'm not sure if all the bold writing is going to make my eyes go funny...we shall see.

Someone is feeding these spiders

Seriously, another tarantula made an appearance in my bathroom last night (I am aware that it isn't a real tarantula but the literal size makes them look like one). I thought I had solved this problem when I blocked up the air vent but it looks like I am going to have to get nasty...it's time for bug raid. Also I am not normally the "oh my god it's a spider I am going to die" kind of girl but these really are huge and give me the creeps. The best way to explain the ordeal is my skype conversation with Ilana.

moi: OMG THERE IS ANOTHER TARANTULA IN MY BATHROOM WTF

US of A au pair: they are the cause for the messed up shower head

US of A au pair: ughhh get raid! spray the sucker

moi: omg I don't have any

A few minutes later...

moi: what do I do I've put it under a glass but I have to kill it, I cant leave it i wont sleep

moi: I think it came out the plug hole

US of A au pair: ewww

US of A au pair: ummm do you have a shoe?

moi: no I've got a card under the cup

moi: if I flush it down the loo will it come back and haunt me?

US of A au pair: hahahhaa

US of A au pair: no do it!!!!

US of A au pair: killl HIM

I go off to try and destroy the creature...

moi: I flushed him and he lived!! He would not die

moi: these spiders can swim in water!

US of A au pair: are you serious

moi: it started to climb back up after I flushed it

US of A au pair: oh shit

moi: so I attacked him with the loo brush

US of A au pair: that is so gross

US of A au pair: hahahhaahaha

moi: he lost a leg and is still moving, so I bleached his ass

US of A au pair: this is the most intense spider ever

moi: yea and he was still alive, one more flush did it

moi: but I've still put the lid over the loo I wouldnt be shocked if he climbed back up the pipes

US of A au pair: that's good

US of A au pair: that is sooooo gross

US of A au pair: this is like a retarded spider, he doesn't understand death

moi: he was horrible, what worries me is where the hell it came from

moi: I thought I solved the problem by blocking the air vent

Let's get rid of the buggers...

moi: the bug raid you have what does it do? I'm going to go and get some tomorrow and sort this issue out

US of A au pair: it like freezes them

US of A au pair: and then they die

US of A au pair: and then iIclean it up with a tissues

US of A au pair: I need to get more

moi: so you dont have to kill them?

US of A au pair: no it kills them for you

So after a rather hilarious conversation I discovered how to deal with my spider problem, today I am taking one step in the right direction and hoovering up any spiders I can see...anywhere. Worryingly I do honestly think these spiders have evolved, they actually can swim in water and do not die. This poses multiple problems - therefore I am welcoming the arrival of bug raid. You are going down mothertruckers.

Winter blues

It's official, summer is over in France and winter has crept its way in. I genuinely think the summer lasted so long here the seasons have chosen to skip Autumn. Last Wednesday I was sunbathing in 32 degree heat, now we are putting the heating on and my hands were so cold in the car I could barely drive! Secretly I am hoping for some snow (I bought snow boots in preparation) as last year they had 2 months of it. I'm not totally against winter after all, I would just like to keep my hands...thanks.

Also definitely having one of those mornings, forgot the boys don't start until 9.15 on a Monday (the French like a lie in on a Monday - who wouldn't?) Thank god for the 'eye spy' and its ability to entertain children because we had to stay in the car for nearly half an hour, again avoiding the cold outside. Might have flooded my shower last night too, seemed to have fixed it although when I run the tap the shower and bath make a very odd gurgling sound. Any plumbers out there want to advise me on my shower issue, please feel free.

French lessons start today...should be interesting.

After thought

I was just thinking I could actually see this blog turning into the numerous amusing stories of me injuring myself or succeeding in making myself appear totally ridiculous. You haven't even heard the 'mini skirts and bicycles do not mix' story yet. One to look forward to.

The imbalance of things

I will make a promise to anyone who reads this blog now...(presuming there are any of you out there actually reading this), this blog will not be as long as the previous one. I clearly felt it was necessary to vent my opinion(s) on the French lifestyle which clearly, and rather unfortunately turned into a rather large rant. The topic of this blog is much simpler - pure imbalance.

No my life is not 'unbalanced' - but 'imbalanced,' meaning a lack of balance, a state of disequilibrium. Seriously somehow I wonder how it is even possible that I haven't broken a bone yet, I must just be incredibly fortunate...although note the use of the word 'yet.' It is bound to happen as I push the boundaries of stupid accidents on a daily basis. I think when we were younger because I always had Kate I never noticed that I myself was also quite clumsy. Kate, if your reading this, I'm sorry but you have to admit you were ridiculous when it came to balancing and let's be honest; remaining on your feet on a daily basis. You name it, you fell down it. The stairs in your house, the streets of newton abbot (famously ruining your white trousers), Duke of Edinburgh and George with the dock leaf, so many memories include your lack of balance. I remember you used to blame it on a problem you had with your hips, a reason I now envy as either I am just suffering from some sort of hip problem I don't know about or I am constantly pissed. Either way I am always falling over.

In the space of this week I have bashed my head on a corner cabinet - to such an extent that it bled (a lot) and it had to be looked at. It really hurt, I'm not even kidding there's banging your head and then there's what I did, literally splitting my scalp. Painful was not the word. I presume this recent banging-of-the-head incident has not helped the balance issues that were already present. The accident's go on...so J has a skateboard which he often leaves on the pathway into the house, I see this skateboard and it's almost like my brain registers its presence and then something happens which means I have a moment of memory loss and forget it even exists. This evidently leads to accidents hence the reason I am now limping with a swollen right foot. Honestly, three times I fell over this skateboard, three times!! Now I will be totally honest the latter two times I left and returned to the house I may have been slightly intoxicated (found a new cocktail called un ambres, tastes like apple juice but its devil juice - happy days). But regardless it always seems to be me who is falling over or doing something ridiculous. On the positive side at least my foreign friends here find it highly amusing and generally put it down to being so "British." Stereotype - Hugh Grant; nerdy, British, clumsy, arse - fulfilled.

When in Paris, do as the Parisians do

People say that when you move to another country you slowly begin to integrate into the lifestyle of the other people who live there. To be honest I didn't realise quite how much, or how quickly you start to blend in. I have just finished Stephen Clarke's - A year in the Merde (I recommend it if you haven't read it) and he was completely right. When he returned to England his friends said he sounded French, he couldn't by bread from a supermarket as he felt he was betraying the 'boulangeries' and wine and coffee were presumed a part of everyday life. Without even really noticing my habits have become more and more 'Frenchified' - best way to put although not grammatically correct. This morning I went to a food market, breakfast had been skipped due to sleeping in so S and I picked up a pain au chocolat - first French move. Secondly as soon as we left the market - the time now being 9.25 it was agreed that we had waited quite long enough for a coffee. When I lived in England I thought my dad and I drank a lot of coffee but here coffee is a vital aspect of everyday life, if I haven't had a coffee my brain seems to send out a message that I imagine says "Where is the caffeine???" To which the typical French person can respond by visiting the Nespresso machine we have in the kitchen. We have a coffee machine at home that Dad bought but it tends to gather dust in the corner as the English don't seem to care as much about coffee and it being available at all times of the day. Here there are entire shops dedicated to these Nespresso machines that sell small containers of coffee (they look like small milk pots you get on the plane/train etc) in all different flavours and colours. The coffee machine also differs to our English one because it is surprisingly straightforward. The water warms up, the light goes green, in goes the pot and hey presto there is your espresso (and of course all French houses have espresso glasses - it's a must). I would like to say I have discovered a lot of the stereotypes and stigmas attached to France don't exist but I'd be lying. Yes they drink a lot of coffee, every day and at any time. And personally I can see myself becoming as much of a coffee addict as any Parisian.

Something I also noticed which again confirms English suspicions is yes, the French drink, a lot. Although I have never seen anyone in my house drinking during the week it is very common to pass bars at lunchtime and see people drinking. In England the only people in the pub at lunchtimes (if it doesn't sell food) are layabouts, alcoholics and the bar staff themselves. I used to work in a pub, you get to know these things. The lovely old lady that comes in and has 2 large glasses of wine at lunchtime and comes back in at 5pm for 3 more glasses is not such a sweet old lady but in fact, has a rather serious drinking problem. But somehow you can't condemn them, I suppose without them where would pubs be? The French I also noticed have an interesting take on happy hour, it is in the middle of the afternoon. Happy hour here is between 2pm and 5pm meaning everyone at work can go out for several cheap drinks in the middle of their lunch hour. Here the French have a later but longer lunchtime - normally up to 2 hours, because they are all expected to work until 6pm at the earliest, it's much later than England. In my line of work, with the children I obviously can't enjoy a cheap drink in the afternoon but the fact that the French find daytime drinking so acceptable does amuse me. Something that is somewhat frowned upon in the UK unless you are on what we would call an "all dayer" which basically gives you a free pass to get obliterated on a weekend and you are normally in bed by 8/9pm and if you aren't you generally end up making a complete plank out of yourself. This lax French attitude however seems to work here, no one ever seems drunk. They don't have any drink driving laws either - trust me I was shocked too. However I quite quickly learnt they don't need them. There is no such thing as binge drinking here and yes unfortunately they associate it very much with being a British 'yob' which is perhaps why the French so often disapprove of us. The French can drink all day on a weekend but they will constantly be eating, food and drink come side by side, as I suppose they should really. And then after a day of drinking they get in the car and drive home, completely oblivious to the fact that in England it is completely illegal to do so. But as I said, they don't drink like we do, drinking is 'civilised' here. I have to be honest, it makes sense but it's a bit boring if you ask me. Yes binge drinking is 'wrong,' and bad for you in the long term, but having the occasionally crazy weekend with your friends and waking up with a headache/lack of memory/sick feeling is all part of being a young adult. And let's be totally honest here, at the time it is really good fun, some of the times I have laughed until my stomach has ached have included alcohol and I wouldn't change them. Not now, not ever.

OH AND THE DRIVING, apologies if it seems like this has turned into a slight rant, must be picking up on Stephen Clarke's influence, but actually I was explaining my integration into French life. Let's get back on track. The driving, on the right hand side of the road at first was confusing, especially as I hate to admit but sometimes when I'm driving in the UK I'm not sure which way I am supposed to pull out onto the road - shameful I know and I wonder why my parents don't want me to get a motorbike. As I said the driving is fine and I love the automatic A class Mercedes I get to drive around but the roundabouts are pure hell. Think of the most illogical way to drive around a roundabout and the French have done it, they have picked the most stupid driving rules in Europe. I can't even say other countries are similar because as far as I know - from my other friends Germany and America don't have this rule either. OK so you are about to join a roundabout, in England you stop and make your way on to the roundabout where there is a gap. So the French decide to be different, in France I drive straight on to the roundabout without stopping. Now once I am on the roundabout there maybe be 2, 3, 4 smaller junctions/side roads whatever you want to call them joining into the roundabout. So let's see, another car comes from my left, instead of stopping they drive straight on to the roundabout and I have to slam my breaks on mid-way round the roundabout. Also these roads aren't the widest and the roundabout not the largest so you can't see the car until they are pretty much level with your headlights. And the French wonder why they have the most accidents in Europe. It is the only thing with the transport system that I am literally bewildered by, and to be honest quite frustrated by. It makes no sense whatsoever that the person on the roundabout should give way to those trying to push onto the roundabout, and they do push as the rumours are true the French have no idea how to queue. It doesn't really bother me as I'm a pretty patient person but when boarding the bus to St Germain en Laye the other day an elderly lady who, of course, I intended to let on before me anyway because she's old and it's just courteous...decides to barge me out of the way like we are competing for world heavyweight champion. The shock on my face made S laugh out loud. Anyway...I am not meaning to complain about France but simply expressing how I have found the culture to be typical of what we thought.

With all that in mind however, it still appeals to me to disguise the fact that I'm English. Apart from when I'm with my friends and the boys I look after I don't like to speak English. After the first week I didn't even like to dress so typically English. Obviously I am English and I will never lose that but to integrate into a society completely you have to adopt some of their ways. Don't worry I'm not walking around wearing a beret or with onions around my neck (that's a complete myth by the way). But yes, I have bought some new clothes and here a dress always comes with tights, in an evening I have yet to see bare legs but again it is a dead give away that you aren't French. And no it's not because French girls don't shave - that is a myth also. They are as hygienic as us, or any other country in fact. I wouldn't like to think I'm changing who I am, I just prefer not to walk around with a sandwich board on saying "I'M A BRIT." Plus you will find the more French you look and sound, the better you get treated, the less you get ripped off and the more at home you feel. So for now the sacrifice has been made, but trust me, when back in the UK the sun shimmer will make a guest appearance, and maybe even some bare leg if it isn't too inappropriate by then!

It's been a while

I won't lie it has been a while since I have blogged, I was getting into "ma vie en France" making new friends and exploring new places. I have eaten Ugandan food, spoken a little more French than usual - I'm trying at least, been to le Stade du France and watched the game with front row seats, met a number of new people, etc etc. Today however is admittedly not the best day to blog as I have a serious case of the Monday Blues. It was my great grandmother's funeral today and sadly as I am away working abroad I couldn't be there. I know she was very proud of me for what I am doing though and she beat everyone's expectations even managing to see my graduation (well the photos and enough to let her know that I did it, I made her proud). She always used to say, everytime I saw her without fail that I had to make something of my life and that it was too precious to waste." I always promised I would and I hope, up to now, that I have kept my promise.

Today has been hard being away from family and friends but don't get me wrong, up until now there have been no tears and I have really been enjoying my time in France and I am determined to continue doing so. I have a great weekend planned with a new friend M which I am really excited about as I get to visit a new place, meet a new friend and drink wine - 3 of my favourite things to do. I also had a realisation about my 'move' to France. This year was obviously also about checking out France and seeing if it always lived up to what I thought and what I wanted out of it. Talking to one of my closest friends D we discussed how I had felt differently to expected. I had to explain that although I was loving it I had realised I wasn't ready to make such a big leap yet. When you don't have your oldest friends and your family the idea of living somewhere suddenly isn't so appealing.

So although I think that when I'm older I could consider living here, or anywhere abroad in fact, right now its just too soon. I haven't lived enough in England yet, or travelled the globe. I still want to travel around America in an old mustang, see Thailand and attend the full moon party, stroke a tiger, ride an elephant, surf in Australia and Bali, hold a koala bear, visit New Zealand, see an Ibiza sunrise after being out all night...and much more. So why decide right now what I want to do or where I want to go....to be honest my answer right now is - who knows? As long as I'm happy, who cares?