Words cannot express...

I have a little confession to make, I stole this from a friends blog. However...it really is so amazing to listen to and is now a new addition to the songs that remind me why I love music. Just listen.

Not sure if this will work but here goes...

Pinch, punch, first of the month...

So...my last blog made me realise that maybe sometimes ranting on your blog isn't as self-orientated as you once presumed. I discovered people actually do read my blog and I'm lucky that the person who read it knows me well enough to know the insanity lasted about 5 minutes...but anyway conclusion = less personal rants on the blog from now on...!

It is officially the first of December and as I was already feeling christmassy I am even more excited now. Although notably there are no decorations up in this house yet...which is strange as I'm sure my mum already has them up but all families are different I guess. I also don't have an advent calendar for the first time in 21 years but that's generally because I'm fussy and you can't get dairy milk calendar's here which is what I have had each year for as long as I can remember, I'm not about to break the tradition :) It is also snowing here and it has been minus 4 since Monday, bit chilly I am not going to lie but waking up to snow every day is something I'm not used to so for the moment I am enjoying it!

Eugh also diet has begun again...some of my friends will probably tell me off as I haven't put on any weight and Kelly was kind enough to say I had lost weight this weekend but...there is still more to go so I am beginning my 'regime' as we would say in France before indulging in xmas food at the end of the month.

18 days until I am home for xmas....the count down begins.

My wise friend once said "Men are the cause of a woman's insanity."

Okay I'm not insane let's not get ahead of ourselves but I am seriously starting to believe that men are the cause of any confusion in a woman's life. Seriously...what the hell is going on?

I'm not going to lie, I used to be one of those girls - erratic, neurotic, always overthinking everything and complicating the simplest of relationships. Obviously I still check my phone when I like someone and question things sometimes when it seems strangely suspicious but what normal girl doesn't. I just would really enjoy a simple life, where people didn't drop bombshells a year too late, where the nice guys didn't act so nice that it somehow made them seem inauthentic and pressed you to ask - what are they hiding? Where people were just upfront and if they liked you just put it out there. Where nothing was complicated by space and time. I am asking too much I know it would just be nice sometimes...I'm just asking for a simple life. Cheers.

So...I cancelled my date tonight with Mr nice guy because I am a crazy person. Or maybe not I don't know. I have always learnt to go with my gut instict and this time it didn't feel right. I wasn't excited about going like I was when we first met, in fact part of me almost felt some sort of dread which is a terrible thing to say because he actually hasn't done anything wrong. To put it frankly, he's flaky and I only like flakes in my cereal. Anything I think is going to get weird or complex and my brain immediately says "Let's make like lightning and bolt!"

On the plus side K is here this weekend, my first proper visitor and I really can't wait to see her. I haven't seen her since my leaving do in august so it has been far too long. I also feel very privileged to have Canadian au pair here, she actually keeps me sane in situations like these. Big up to ma homie Atlanta chillin' in her mini crib. I'm peacing out rightta bout now.

Mange, prie, aime

Thanks to my wonderful friend Canadian aupair I am finally beginning to read 'Eat, pray, love' by Elizabeth Gilbert. Most people out there who enjoy reading should have heard of it as it is now a worldwide best seller. It has been recommended to me with the promise that it will make me more 'zenful' - I hope so I could use some positive zen at the moment and yoga doesn't work for me. Tying my body in a knot to cause relaxation somehow doesn't appeal. I will maybe blog a review after I have finished it...I have been thinking about starting a review page for a while now a) to keep track of how many books I read (because it's frustrating forgetting) and b) so other people can see what is really worth reading. It's just finding the time and again, much more writing.

Today however, minus the blog, I am writing seulement en français. I couldn't have more work to do if I had got down on my knees and physically begged for les devoirs. Merci beaucoup Sebastian et Sylvie. I also have a test on the french verbs in the present, infitive and past tense. If you have never taken French I should inform you that this is a hell of a lot of verbs and I have to learn them all and those forms for a test tomorrow. Oh joy. It's a good job I enjoy learning French!

On another note the electrician is coming again to fix my shutter so I will finally be able to see outside! I have missed the natural light coming into my room and also not being able to use my entrance to sneak out at night and steal croissants while the bakers are sleeping.

France vs England football match tonight, should be interesting as we aren't playing well at the moment but to be fair France never really play well...but this new team is looking like a positive move. We shall see...I predict a 1-1 draw. Was thinking of going to watch it in a bar but host dad is putting it on the TV upstairs which means I can watch it on my hugeee TV downstairs so I think I will opt for that, only thing I will miss out on is a jug of beer and some english hooligans. I think I can cope with missing that...

Rememberance

Today is Rememberance day so before I enjoy my day off I have to remember why this day is a public holiday. Interestingly enough I actually have a great great probably great again Grandfather buried in a French cemetry here. I hae visited his grave before and if it wasn't so far I would be visiting it again. Luckily enough for him he didn't return home as one of the 12000 unknown soldiers. But that is what today is all about and the unknown soldiers across the world are used as an example of how important it is to remember the men who gave their lives so we would have the freedom we have today. I will be wearing my poppy today.

On a slightly brighter note I am going shopping avec mes amis aujourd'hui because I have lots of dollar thanks to my babysitting day yesterday. I may buy a Longchamp bag...know I shouldn't but just might, I am in love with them. Or...a new dress for Samedi soir. However it is actually raining so badly it looks like we might be paddling to Paris on an inflatable lilo...that raincoat my mum told me I didn't need suddenly seems so much more IMPORTANT now, damn it.

Due date ce soir!!!!!!!!!! Finalement.

Oh hello winter, time for a snow cone

Okay so it's not actually snowing, nor do I even really know what a snow cone is as I'm pretty sure they are only available in America but you get the idea. It's cold and it's wet and it's more cold and it's more wet. Oh and there are piles of leaves everywhere that are literally the size of small islands, it's so bizarre I have never seen this many leaves in one place. I have a serious urge to dive into them everytime I walk past them, which is about 50 times a day so you can see the temptation taunting me. Must surpass the urge, must not jump into leaves like 5 year old out-of-control child.

Just to pre-warn you if you haven't noticed today's blog is all about a bit of rambling. I ramble when I am jittery and have things on my mind which is probably the cause of this rambly blog but to heck with it. Tonight Maple leaf au pair described me as "Like the rebel child trying to beat suburbia in a modern day Jane Austen." I actually love her way with words, she is a literary genius, I often read her blog and always finish up smiling or laughing. It is a talent I don't really have and envy that she possesses...Anyway I won't go into the mess I have got myself into, or might have got myself into I don't even know. Ramble over.

This week the French are having another holiday, not that I'm complaining I'm actually loving life. I get Wednesday's off anyway, I had a half day today and I get Thursday, Friday off for some random public holiday. Un jour férié the French call it - whatever it means I get a day off :) I am debating doing some xmas shopping as I have actually been saving money, never thought you would see the day well here it is - I am saving and not spending. Dad don't freak out. Or peut-être je vais visiter le Chateau de Versailles avec mes amis, je ne sais pas :)

Also realising more and more the barriers of language, even with Maple leaf when we supposedly speak the 'same' language I say words she doesn't understand and vice versa. I just said I fancied a Magnum...as in the ice cream. Magnum as I have just been informed is a type of American condom, hence the confusion. Mon dieu what wrong signals that could give off...Or she thought I meant a type of kebab, either way we weren't on the same page ha.

Weather - improve or I will be cross. On the plus side Christmas is getting crazily close and I have lots of British visitors before then :)

Bleugh.

Not going to lie, I feel like crap. I have caught a rotten cold which is both taking away my appetite and energy. Plus I have run out of paracetamol so I am taking the hard road and just dealing. Hope it isn't flu...boooo. On the plus side it is helping to kick off my Charlotte Church 'halve your meal sizes and become super thin diet'. Oh what I would do to be naturally tiny. Damn the curvacious women of my ancestory.

On the plus side I am going to see the Catacombs tomorrow with Sophie, something I have been wanting to see and do for ages. Loads of dead people buried underground...my cup of tea. Ha just kidding...well not really but if you are interested -

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catacombs_of_Paris

then swot up bloggers! But really...it is a huge underground cemetry in Paris, ever thought about how there's no green areas in Paris...where do you think they used to put their dead? You guessed it, right under your Louis Vuitton, Christian Louboutin, Jimmy Choo, stupidly expensive shoes.

Historically though...seriously interesting. Will blog after as I just sneezed on the screen, EUGH screw you sickness.

Devon's finer things

Explored the 'moors' today after years of not having been to it but it was as amazing as I remembered. There is something strangely fulfilling about clambering on to a bunch of rocks that I'm pretty sure were caused by some sort of volcanic thing ages and ages ago. Went with Lydia, her boyfriend Callum and my good friend Dan...oh and of course the three pups - Nyanja, Nika and Guiness. After a few hours of exploring the moors and visiting the quarry we headed to the Rugglestone Inn for lunch, the food was amazing but the portions were huge! Lydia actually got Dan to move his truck forward so we wouldn't step in any horse poo and then she somehow managed to step right in a fresh pile of dung. It was however, highly amusing.

Callum is currently making us his famous korma curry and I am looking over the photos from today. Dan will join us later for curry and a film, what a perfect way to spend a Thursday evening.

Bisous

The UK's not a OK

It's weird, the UK has always been my home and granted I still love my friends and family - like my friend R reminded me I will never replace a few of my special friends here. I have to admit though I was much happier in Paris, working most of the time without a care in the world and always laughing with Canadian au pair. Unfortunately sometimes in T where I live in the UK the world is just too small, some people are still living in bits of the past and refusing to move on, still holding grudges from over five years ago because frankly there is not much else for them to focus on. I don't mean to cause any offense but it is often the case that your night is ruined by people stuck in the past, which in my case happened last night. Oh well...life goes on.

Coming home simply reminds me who the important people are here at home and how much I love Paris and my friends there. My attitude has completely changed, when I first blogged in Paris I explained how I felt it didn't fulfil all my expectations but now my opinion is totally reversed. I intend to stay in Paris for as long as possible and in my mind, if I can get the right job teaching english as a foreign language, indefinitely. I love Paris, the people, the culture, the lifestyle. You never get bored of anything, or sick of seeing the same sights, there is always more to explore. And I already miss speaking the language.

Don't get me wrong the UK will always be my home (of sorts) but France has always been somewhere I've loved and Mum used to joke I should have been born French...today I am going into town with mum and walking along the seafront I miss the most while I am away and then later going to my second family's home for dinner. Looking forward to meeting D's new pup - a little border collie :) and eating his dad's wonderful home made food. Some bits of Britain I still love.

Toussaint

Toussaint for those of you who aren't familiar with French holiday's is the half term holiday in October which has now officially started. Had a pretty stressful night with the boys yesterday which isn't a normal occurence, normally as I have often blogged they are good as gold! I think that the sweets they were given in school made them have a literal sugar high and low. They were so over excited and then it was like the sugar ran out and they were so tired. Poor N dropped a chicken nugget with ketchup on his jeans and burst into tears...so bizarre this would never happen normally! But after a full night's rest...for all of us the boys are their usual happy selves again :)

This morning we have baked pancakes and I have made shortbread biscuits with chocolate chips in for them this afternoon. At ten ish we are going to the park with Finish au pair and her two boys who are the same age...hopefully this might tire them out and perhaps a little afternoon nap will be possible. If we're lucky! Currently they are watching Thunderbirds whilst I am blogging away next to them.

For me the holiday hasn't really started but it will tonight as I fly back to the UK on Saturday morning, although with all the RER strikes and protests I am getting the Roissy Bus from Opera, means leaving my house here at 7.45 though...ouch. Fingers crossed all goes well but according to the flybe website my flight is looking okay. Also haven't started packing so must do that as soon as I finish work because I am seriously lacking organisation. Note to self - clean bathroom before I leave or there will be even more tarantula's when I return...eww.

Last little update - I have been to two Irish bars in the space of a week. Once of Saturday with Canadian, Texas and GB au pair where we met a group of very funny, very drunk english guys. I hope to go there again soon as it was the first place I managed to get cider in my 2 months of being here. I also laughed so much my tummy hurt. Then this Wednesday I visited another Irish bar...surprisingly full of French people but according to French Jacques they go there for the music because it's the best, I agreed of course :) The pub was in the Pantheon, a district named after the amazing structure that was built in 1790, originally it was just the rebuilding of the Abbey of St Genevieve but after many years it has become a secular mausoleum containing the remains of the most distinguished French citizens including Victor Hugo and Marie Curie. I have yet to go inside but after Jacques telling me all about it I can't wait to explore it. We had a very good evening talking in a mix of French and English (Fringlish as my friend's kid calls it) and discussed surprsingly our love for each other's countries. What made me laugh is that he absolutely loves Marks&Spencers so I have promised to bring back some hot cross buns from the UK. However the night went far too quickly and before I knew it I was catching the train at midnight and cycling home at a crazy speed because it was so so cold!

Trains, planes and automobiles

When they said the French were always on strike, they weren't lying. Oh mon dieu, the grève is driving me crazy. Let's start with the first keyword - trains. The RER and the SNCF have been on strike for nearly two weeks now on and off. It hasn't really affected me apart from it taking an hour to get into Paris yesterday morning but it is causing uproar for people trying to get home from work. It took my au pair dad nearly 2 hours to get home last night. After a long day behind a desk I imagine it's the last thing you need.

And it continues...now there is no fuel. All the petrol stations are pretty much empty of fuel as the oil workers have gone on strike against the proposed pension plan. So no fuel for cars means no kerosene for planes...not good when I am supposed to be flying to the UK on saturday. Buttt luckily it looks like its mainly planes from Orly and only french airlines, thank you Flybe. Plus Sarkozy has to make his decision on the pension age change by Friday and it looks like he isn't budging and to be honest...good for him. I understand that the French fight for their social system and that is why they strike but really two years isn't too much of an alteration. 62 is still younger than the retirement age in the UK and most other countries. My au pair mum also thinks they will stop striking because they want to go on holiday too and if they keep striking they can't take advantage of the Toussaint holiday! Let's hope so anyway.

After waiting weeks I finally got to go to the Paris Motor Show (Mondial de l'automobile) and it was everything I expected it to be and more. The cars were incredible and with the help of Boy Brit's press card for mini we managed to get into the sealed off areas. American au pair and I felt like we were V.I.P's. We definitely got treated like it too, we sat in two £400,000 Rolls Royce's, one being a convertable and got to check out all the gadgets. I also got closer to a ferrari than I ever have been in my life...! All in all it was a fantastic day and such an experience. I would recommend it to anyone who hasn't been before.

Le week-end

Okay so my blog is not up to date at the moment, but realistically it's because I have been having far too much fun to have time to really write a lot. Le week-end dernier c'etait tres bien! (As you can see the French obsession has started...)

On Friday me and the girls ended up going to Cafe Oz in Place de l'Opera (near Paris Opera House) and literally dancing the night away. After standing outside waiting for a group of guys we were meeting I seemed to consume a lot of red wine which helped a) keep me warm and b) allowed my French to flow rather more fluently than normal, perhaps this was what I thought anyway...maybe I was slurring? Ha, just kidding, seriously le francais was impressive when I had finished off the bottle of red. So....anyway we were waiting for these guys because basically in Paris guys have to be with a large enough group of girls or they can't get in to places, translation = too much sausage in France, evidently.

The club was swarming with people and it was such a brilliant night, drinks weren't cheap but the music and the atmosphere made drinks barely necessary. Bar staff were stood on bar tops pouring vodka into people's mouths, every man was metro-sexual so had on some crazy outfit or was throwing out some interesting shapes on the dance floor. Although it was difficult to tell who was gay and who was straight (I actually asked a French guy how you tell...blunt but worth the information) it really didn't matter. The fact that all the guys didn't care about grinding up and down a pole or dancing like a crazy person to make the girls laugh made you just feel safe and comfortable. You could dance with any guy and not get groped in the process, everyone was out to have a laugh and dance with as many people as possible. We danced until about 4.30, walked to a cafe near St Lazare where the first train goes from, had a coffee and a croissant and got the 5.21 train home. I drunkenly stumbled into my room at 6am - failing to get undressed in any way and went to sleep still buzzing. I love Paris.

Saturday was a bit of a haze - I had a fuzzy head and only slept for about 5 hours but then German and American au pair came round to make home made enchiladas and guacamole. Admittedly although the host I did the smaller cooking duties generally just because I am still a minor disaster unit in the kitchen and American au pair is a great cook. Leave it to the professionals I always say. It was seriously delicious, even my host family ate the leftovers on Monday, definitely one for the book. The evening consisted of babysitting for the most adorable American kid ever who was like the 'ideal child.' They didn't have a TV so the kid was so into reading and his car toys etc...makes me realise how good it is to not let kids watch TV. Saying that my dad used to record South Park for me to watch without telling my mum and it never did me any harm. Apart from the fact that I went through a stage of imitating Cartman for a while which my mum couldn't comprehend. But hey...I was young maybe I wanted to be a voiceover, who knows.

Sunday was as good a day as I'd hoped to finish the weekend off with. I managed to watch my sister opening her birthday present's on her 18th which made up for not being there :) she had a hangover but had really enjoyed her birthday which was great news. She had also been sick and therefore had done me proud - 18th in the bag, Congrats Lydia, almost as good as you coming to my university...getting drunk...devouring a hot dog...and then chucking it up in my sink. Haha love you Sis. Apres I headed to the Jardin de Luxembourg to meet the girls, after a long day reading and chatting in the sunshine American au pair and her friend joined us and we all headed to a church for an organ concert, bit random I know but we enjoyed it, was nice to do something different in Paris and the churches here really are stunning. Later on we headed to La Maurais which is the Jewish area in Paris, we were on the hunt for their world famous falafels and we found them. The queue for this falafel place was out the door! It was delicious though and if you haven't tried it before I would recommend one. And if you are in Paris La Maurais is worth a visit, it's metro stop St Paul and it really is a beautiful and cultural change to the rest of Paris (plus the Jewish rest day is Saturday so La Maurais is one of the only places alive and busy on a Sunday).

Now I have a cold and want to curl up in a ball feeling sorry for myself. Definitely got it off les enfants but to be honest I was shocked I hadn't fallen ill sooner. Thank god it's my day off tomorrow.

Cartman: I'm not fat. I'm big-boned.
Stan: No, Jay Leno's chin is big-boned. You are a big, fat ass.

Que voulez-faire avec le français?

I have to answer this question for my French homework this week and it got me thinking....what would I like to do with the French? In this case it actually means the French language but today 'je pense que' it would be more appropriate to talk about French men.

I am going to confirm all your suspicions about French men - yes they are in fact all pretty damn handsome. Going into the centre of Paris is like walking on to the set of a Bridget Jones movie - Colin Firth's and Hugh Grant's are casually walking and lounging about everywhere. It has even been suggested that if you sit alone in Paris in one of the many parks within the city, it won't be long until one of these floppy haired strutting beauty's is sitting beside you. This hasn't happened to me yet so I clearly need to sit on a park bench alone for an hour or so and see what happens.

On the other hand a friend of mine who is currently also in France but down South has had the opposite experience of French 'gentleman.' She joined a French dating site after missing her guy mates back in the UK and perhaps in the hope of finding a floppy haired French boyfriend. When we were skype-ing today she explained very clearly that she was "going off the date site, 62 year old Uggo asked for tit pics." I kid you not, I was in stitches and couldn't breathe for laughing. Perhaps dating sites aren't the way to go in France...despite the success of them in other countries.

Either way my aim this month is to meet some more French guys, my French is gradually getting there so it's about time I make more of an effort 'a parle le français seulement.' Or let's be a bit more truthful...meet some Hugh's and Colin's.

Time's are changing...

Well let's be honest it hasn't be a great couple of weeks for the Brit's here in Paris, not forgetting to mention our American friends, who incidentally aren't having a great time either. There have been several threats made during the last week or so and a number of places evacuated including the Gare St Lazare and La Tour Eiffel. There was only so long I could turn a blind eye to it...

I was silently reassuring myself with the fact that I had not yet been affected by either evacuations so, at present, it must not be too concerning. However when the US government issued a "travel alert" to all Americans travelling within Europe they were very quickly and closely followed by Britain, who also recognised the possible threat for tourists in Europe. But before my mother starts reading this and having a panic attack...yes I became aware that the situation was more serious than I originally first thought (and I think that can be said for a large number of people) it is however fair to say that I am barely classed as a 'tourist' any longer anyway. I have been here for nearly eight weeks now, my French is at a higher standard than ever before and I surprisingly, don't spend every weekend visiting the tourist attractions in France. And to be perfectly honest, in light of the recent warnings American au pair and I have discussed steering clear of certain monuments for the next few months, or at least until all of this calms down, which fingers crossed won't be long.

So just before any of my friends or family start freaking out I am taking every precaution possible in the current, difficult situation. Paris itself carries on as it always does, throngs of people always rushing rushing rushing to get to work/to get home/to get somewhere. Of course the warnings have had an impact on the public, as people visit Paris all year round. But for the most part life goes on as normal, the smell of fresh croissants still tinges the air every morning and as Autumn has crept its way in the city awaits winter when the Eiffel Tower, covered with snow, sparkles like it has been encrusted with diamonds.

New design

Well after about an hour of redesigning I have changed my page, as you can see I'm no Van Gogh but let me know what you think...if you lovely readers out there totally hate it, I'll change it. I'm not sure if all the bold writing is going to make my eyes go funny...we shall see.

Someone is feeding these spiders

Seriously, another tarantula made an appearance in my bathroom last night (I am aware that it isn't a real tarantula but the literal size makes them look like one). I thought I had solved this problem when I blocked up the air vent but it looks like I am going to have to get nasty...it's time for bug raid. Also I am not normally the "oh my god it's a spider I am going to die" kind of girl but these really are huge and give me the creeps. The best way to explain the ordeal is my skype conversation with Ilana.

moi: OMG THERE IS ANOTHER TARANTULA IN MY BATHROOM WTF

US of A au pair: they are the cause for the messed up shower head

US of A au pair: ughhh get raid! spray the sucker

moi: omg I don't have any

A few minutes later...

moi: what do I do I've put it under a glass but I have to kill it, I cant leave it i wont sleep

moi: I think it came out the plug hole

US of A au pair: ewww

US of A au pair: ummm do you have a shoe?

moi: no I've got a card under the cup

moi: if I flush it down the loo will it come back and haunt me?

US of A au pair: hahahhaa

US of A au pair: no do it!!!!

US of A au pair: killl HIM

I go off to try and destroy the creature...

moi: I flushed him and he lived!! He would not die

moi: these spiders can swim in water!

US of A au pair: are you serious

moi: it started to climb back up after I flushed it

US of A au pair: oh shit

moi: so I attacked him with the loo brush

US of A au pair: that is so gross

US of A au pair: hahahhaahaha

moi: he lost a leg and is still moving, so I bleached his ass

US of A au pair: this is the most intense spider ever

moi: yea and he was still alive, one more flush did it

moi: but I've still put the lid over the loo I wouldnt be shocked if he climbed back up the pipes

US of A au pair: that's good

US of A au pair: that is sooooo gross

US of A au pair: this is like a retarded spider, he doesn't understand death

moi: he was horrible, what worries me is where the hell it came from

moi: I thought I solved the problem by blocking the air vent

Let's get rid of the buggers...

moi: the bug raid you have what does it do? I'm going to go and get some tomorrow and sort this issue out

US of A au pair: it like freezes them

US of A au pair: and then they die

US of A au pair: and then iIclean it up with a tissues

US of A au pair: I need to get more

moi: so you dont have to kill them?

US of A au pair: no it kills them for you

So after a rather hilarious conversation I discovered how to deal with my spider problem, today I am taking one step in the right direction and hoovering up any spiders I can see...anywhere. Worryingly I do honestly think these spiders have evolved, they actually can swim in water and do not die. This poses multiple problems - therefore I am welcoming the arrival of bug raid. You are going down mothertruckers.

Winter blues

It's official, summer is over in France and winter has crept its way in. I genuinely think the summer lasted so long here the seasons have chosen to skip Autumn. Last Wednesday I was sunbathing in 32 degree heat, now we are putting the heating on and my hands were so cold in the car I could barely drive! Secretly I am hoping for some snow (I bought snow boots in preparation) as last year they had 2 months of it. I'm not totally against winter after all, I would just like to keep my hands...thanks.

Also definitely having one of those mornings, forgot the boys don't start until 9.15 on a Monday (the French like a lie in on a Monday - who wouldn't?) Thank god for the 'eye spy' and its ability to entertain children because we had to stay in the car for nearly half an hour, again avoiding the cold outside. Might have flooded my shower last night too, seemed to have fixed it although when I run the tap the shower and bath make a very odd gurgling sound. Any plumbers out there want to advise me on my shower issue, please feel free.

French lessons start today...should be interesting.

After thought

I was just thinking I could actually see this blog turning into the numerous amusing stories of me injuring myself or succeeding in making myself appear totally ridiculous. You haven't even heard the 'mini skirts and bicycles do not mix' story yet. One to look forward to.

The imbalance of things

I will make a promise to anyone who reads this blog now...(presuming there are any of you out there actually reading this), this blog will not be as long as the previous one. I clearly felt it was necessary to vent my opinion(s) on the French lifestyle which clearly, and rather unfortunately turned into a rather large rant. The topic of this blog is much simpler - pure imbalance.

No my life is not 'unbalanced' - but 'imbalanced,' meaning a lack of balance, a state of disequilibrium. Seriously somehow I wonder how it is even possible that I haven't broken a bone yet, I must just be incredibly fortunate...although note the use of the word 'yet.' It is bound to happen as I push the boundaries of stupid accidents on a daily basis. I think when we were younger because I always had Kate I never noticed that I myself was also quite clumsy. Kate, if your reading this, I'm sorry but you have to admit you were ridiculous when it came to balancing and let's be honest; remaining on your feet on a daily basis. You name it, you fell down it. The stairs in your house, the streets of newton abbot (famously ruining your white trousers), Duke of Edinburgh and George with the dock leaf, so many memories include your lack of balance. I remember you used to blame it on a problem you had with your hips, a reason I now envy as either I am just suffering from some sort of hip problem I don't know about or I am constantly pissed. Either way I am always falling over.

In the space of this week I have bashed my head on a corner cabinet - to such an extent that it bled (a lot) and it had to be looked at. It really hurt, I'm not even kidding there's banging your head and then there's what I did, literally splitting my scalp. Painful was not the word. I presume this recent banging-of-the-head incident has not helped the balance issues that were already present. The accident's go on...so J has a skateboard which he often leaves on the pathway into the house, I see this skateboard and it's almost like my brain registers its presence and then something happens which means I have a moment of memory loss and forget it even exists. This evidently leads to accidents hence the reason I am now limping with a swollen right foot. Honestly, three times I fell over this skateboard, three times!! Now I will be totally honest the latter two times I left and returned to the house I may have been slightly intoxicated (found a new cocktail called un ambres, tastes like apple juice but its devil juice - happy days). But regardless it always seems to be me who is falling over or doing something ridiculous. On the positive side at least my foreign friends here find it highly amusing and generally put it down to being so "British." Stereotype - Hugh Grant; nerdy, British, clumsy, arse - fulfilled.

When in Paris, do as the Parisians do

People say that when you move to another country you slowly begin to integrate into the lifestyle of the other people who live there. To be honest I didn't realise quite how much, or how quickly you start to blend in. I have just finished Stephen Clarke's - A year in the Merde (I recommend it if you haven't read it) and he was completely right. When he returned to England his friends said he sounded French, he couldn't by bread from a supermarket as he felt he was betraying the 'boulangeries' and wine and coffee were presumed a part of everyday life. Without even really noticing my habits have become more and more 'Frenchified' - best way to put although not grammatically correct. This morning I went to a food market, breakfast had been skipped due to sleeping in so S and I picked up a pain au chocolat - first French move. Secondly as soon as we left the market - the time now being 9.25 it was agreed that we had waited quite long enough for a coffee. When I lived in England I thought my dad and I drank a lot of coffee but here coffee is a vital aspect of everyday life, if I haven't had a coffee my brain seems to send out a message that I imagine says "Where is the caffeine???" To which the typical French person can respond by visiting the Nespresso machine we have in the kitchen. We have a coffee machine at home that Dad bought but it tends to gather dust in the corner as the English don't seem to care as much about coffee and it being available at all times of the day. Here there are entire shops dedicated to these Nespresso machines that sell small containers of coffee (they look like small milk pots you get on the plane/train etc) in all different flavours and colours. The coffee machine also differs to our English one because it is surprisingly straightforward. The water warms up, the light goes green, in goes the pot and hey presto there is your espresso (and of course all French houses have espresso glasses - it's a must). I would like to say I have discovered a lot of the stereotypes and stigmas attached to France don't exist but I'd be lying. Yes they drink a lot of coffee, every day and at any time. And personally I can see myself becoming as much of a coffee addict as any Parisian.

Something I also noticed which again confirms English suspicions is yes, the French drink, a lot. Although I have never seen anyone in my house drinking during the week it is very common to pass bars at lunchtime and see people drinking. In England the only people in the pub at lunchtimes (if it doesn't sell food) are layabouts, alcoholics and the bar staff themselves. I used to work in a pub, you get to know these things. The lovely old lady that comes in and has 2 large glasses of wine at lunchtime and comes back in at 5pm for 3 more glasses is not such a sweet old lady but in fact, has a rather serious drinking problem. But somehow you can't condemn them, I suppose without them where would pubs be? The French I also noticed have an interesting take on happy hour, it is in the middle of the afternoon. Happy hour here is between 2pm and 5pm meaning everyone at work can go out for several cheap drinks in the middle of their lunch hour. Here the French have a later but longer lunchtime - normally up to 2 hours, because they are all expected to work until 6pm at the earliest, it's much later than England. In my line of work, with the children I obviously can't enjoy a cheap drink in the afternoon but the fact that the French find daytime drinking so acceptable does amuse me. Something that is somewhat frowned upon in the UK unless you are on what we would call an "all dayer" which basically gives you a free pass to get obliterated on a weekend and you are normally in bed by 8/9pm and if you aren't you generally end up making a complete plank out of yourself. This lax French attitude however seems to work here, no one ever seems drunk. They don't have any drink driving laws either - trust me I was shocked too. However I quite quickly learnt they don't need them. There is no such thing as binge drinking here and yes unfortunately they associate it very much with being a British 'yob' which is perhaps why the French so often disapprove of us. The French can drink all day on a weekend but they will constantly be eating, food and drink come side by side, as I suppose they should really. And then after a day of drinking they get in the car and drive home, completely oblivious to the fact that in England it is completely illegal to do so. But as I said, they don't drink like we do, drinking is 'civilised' here. I have to be honest, it makes sense but it's a bit boring if you ask me. Yes binge drinking is 'wrong,' and bad for you in the long term, but having the occasionally crazy weekend with your friends and waking up with a headache/lack of memory/sick feeling is all part of being a young adult. And let's be totally honest here, at the time it is really good fun, some of the times I have laughed until my stomach has ached have included alcohol and I wouldn't change them. Not now, not ever.

OH AND THE DRIVING, apologies if it seems like this has turned into a slight rant, must be picking up on Stephen Clarke's influence, but actually I was explaining my integration into French life. Let's get back on track. The driving, on the right hand side of the road at first was confusing, especially as I hate to admit but sometimes when I'm driving in the UK I'm not sure which way I am supposed to pull out onto the road - shameful I know and I wonder why my parents don't want me to get a motorbike. As I said the driving is fine and I love the automatic A class Mercedes I get to drive around but the roundabouts are pure hell. Think of the most illogical way to drive around a roundabout and the French have done it, they have picked the most stupid driving rules in Europe. I can't even say other countries are similar because as far as I know - from my other friends Germany and America don't have this rule either. OK so you are about to join a roundabout, in England you stop and make your way on to the roundabout where there is a gap. So the French decide to be different, in France I drive straight on to the roundabout without stopping. Now once I am on the roundabout there maybe be 2, 3, 4 smaller junctions/side roads whatever you want to call them joining into the roundabout. So let's see, another car comes from my left, instead of stopping they drive straight on to the roundabout and I have to slam my breaks on mid-way round the roundabout. Also these roads aren't the widest and the roundabout not the largest so you can't see the car until they are pretty much level with your headlights. And the French wonder why they have the most accidents in Europe. It is the only thing with the transport system that I am literally bewildered by, and to be honest quite frustrated by. It makes no sense whatsoever that the person on the roundabout should give way to those trying to push onto the roundabout, and they do push as the rumours are true the French have no idea how to queue. It doesn't really bother me as I'm a pretty patient person but when boarding the bus to St Germain en Laye the other day an elderly lady who, of course, I intended to let on before me anyway because she's old and it's just courteous...decides to barge me out of the way like we are competing for world heavyweight champion. The shock on my face made S laugh out loud. Anyway...I am not meaning to complain about France but simply expressing how I have found the culture to be typical of what we thought.

With all that in mind however, it still appeals to me to disguise the fact that I'm English. Apart from when I'm with my friends and the boys I look after I don't like to speak English. After the first week I didn't even like to dress so typically English. Obviously I am English and I will never lose that but to integrate into a society completely you have to adopt some of their ways. Don't worry I'm not walking around wearing a beret or with onions around my neck (that's a complete myth by the way). But yes, I have bought some new clothes and here a dress always comes with tights, in an evening I have yet to see bare legs but again it is a dead give away that you aren't French. And no it's not because French girls don't shave - that is a myth also. They are as hygienic as us, or any other country in fact. I wouldn't like to think I'm changing who I am, I just prefer not to walk around with a sandwich board on saying "I'M A BRIT." Plus you will find the more French you look and sound, the better you get treated, the less you get ripped off and the more at home you feel. So for now the sacrifice has been made, but trust me, when back in the UK the sun shimmer will make a guest appearance, and maybe even some bare leg if it isn't too inappropriate by then!